Looking for help with son's college list

aquapt
Sun, 26 Sep 2021 18:34:31 +0000

I think it’s hard to generalize based solely on size. I’m sure there are both larger and smaller schools where it’s harder to break in socially, and both larger and smaller ones that are welcoming and inclusive.

What sometimes can happen is that a smaller school can make for an easier initial adjustment, but can start to feel confining later on. (A lot of small-LAC students do semesters or years abroad or otherwise away - DC terms, wilderness/fieldwork terms, and so on - and that can provide a break and an opportunity to meet new people.) But even that generalization may not bear out in a specific case. One of my kids went to a smaller LAC and found she and many others struggled to find their niche for a while. What a lot of friends have seen at larger schools is that friend groups can get established early and end up kind of set in stone, especially when upperclassmen don’t live on campus and end up living with the friends they made in the first year. (Or at some schools, friend groups get sorted economically depending on what housing people can afford.) It really depends.

In my personal opinion, it can be more helpful to think in terms of social channels for connecting, vs. the “snapshot” view of size/demographics. Greek life can be one way into a friend group, but you need to look at the different systems both qualitatively and in terms of when rush happens - some schools don’t rush until first-year spring or sophomore fall, so it’s not like the student can wait to form a friend group until that happens. (I went to a college where rush happened immediately upon arrival, and it was a pretty wild ride and a traumatic way to start college for those who didn’t end up where they wanted. That school no longer does it that way; not sure how many still do.) It’s helpful to ask how your child is most comfortable making friends. Sports? Academics? Faith-based groups? Community service groups? Performing arts? Then look for schools where the right kind of social incubators are present and robust. A big, lively school only helps if the individual has a good “way in.” It can be a pitfall to look at schools that seem to fit the kind of person you wish you were rather than the person you actually are. Think about what you really tend to bond with friends over, and look for places where you can see those things being valued.

But with a 20K-or-less budget, it really makes sense not to be too picky on the first pass. You can always choose a larger school over a smaller one, come April, if you have multiple affordable choices. You can go to admitted students’ events and give schools the opportunity to surprise you, either by winning you over or by failing to live up to your hopes. You can dig deeper into what life would be like at the schools that actually end up “on the menu,” after decisions come back. It’s good to have options.