Mailman post from USC forum

mtpaper
Tue, 22 Mar 2011 12:27:37 +0000

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-southern-california/883831-my-mailmans-name-richard.html



My mailman’s name is Richard and he is conspiring against me. He knows what I want and yet every day it’s the same thing…

He drives his ratty old dirty white pile of USPS’s finest up to my mailbox. He pretends to shuffle the mail for at least a full minute, lazily shifts his plump cheeks and oozes out of the pile. He considers my mail like he’s satisfied with it or something, then he looks over and pretends to have just noticed me hanging over the side fence gate.

Richard shrugs in a laughing manner: “Doesn’t look like it’s here yet.”
Wheaty swears under his breathe: “Thanks Dick… just give the damn bills then.”
Richard gives one of those looks: “Hey, maybe tomorrow?”
(This last part is always delivered as he’s just on the verge of giggling.)

I just walk back thinking of ways to defeat my nemesis, Dick. Yes I know that referring to him by the shortened version of Richard is childish but I think he has what I want and he’s just toying with me. He has ceased to be a Richard to me.

Every day it’s the same. Well every day except yesterday…

Richard opens with his placating “Doesn’t look like it’s here yet” crappola.
Wheaty with dead eyes: “I know you have it.”
Richard slightly off balance: “Have wha…?”
Wheaty more quietly but with purpose: “Bring it tomorrow.” Hold a beat, “Just be sure you bring it tomorrow”.

So really it’s up to Dick. While it is true that he holds all the cards, I have recently come into the possession of a yellow slingshot and I made several hundred small ice cubes last night. Ice melts.

So we’ll see what the mail brings today. We’ll just see.