Maturity - in and out

gardenstategal
Wed, 20 Jul 2016 17:47:43 +0000

I too am an @LaxPrep fan! Really important sentiment. Hang on to that one and live by it – it’ll come in handy again, for sure!

Parents play a role who their children become but they should not be puppeteers. We should try to put our kids into the right environments and help them process what happens to them. We can give them advice, but they are not us and we are neither their successes nor failures. I know it doesn’t always feel this way, especially when so much time and effort and angst go into raising (not building, btw) a child.

As someone who is sending a child off to college next month (so has had a few more years to make mistakes than you have), I can definitely point to a couple of things I wish we had done differently for DS. I “own” those, so I understand your need to revisit what happened. But it’s also spilt milk – it’s done.

Parenting isn’t a competition, @SculptorDad. When your daughter is grown, what will matter is that she is happy and that your relationship is such that you two can share that. She sounds like a great kid, and I know you want the best for her. Try not to take anything away from her accomplishments. Given that she’s a smart kid, I’m going to guess that she can see right through your “celebration” of where she is now to the disappointment you feel in this outcome. Don’t do that to her.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m guessing that this lens – always being disappointed in what you have because it could have been more – extends beyond your parenting into the rest of your life. Maybe this is a wake-up call from the universe to develop a practice of gratitude for what you have. I say this as a kindred soul.