Mental disabilities in brother

twoinanddone
Sun, 28 Nov 2021 17:21:19 +0000

Give him what he needs, which is your invitation to dinner and maybe your time to direct him to the services he can access. Do not give him cars and money and jobs.

My friend’s brother spiraled out of control after their mother died. Before that, he’d worked for Janus funds, in London and other world cities. He came back to the states and took care of his mother during her last illness, driving her and her lady friends to their hair appointments and medical appointments. I thought he was a saint and always enjoyed talking to him. After the mother died, he just stopped doing anything. His sisters tried to help him but he didn’t want to change anything. He had some money (from his years of working and never spending), he had some inheritance. At one point my friend rented an apartment for him and she ended up on the hook for the deposit because he smoked in the apartment. And then he disappeared in plain sight, and she couldn’t contact him. She knew he was still in the area but just didn’t know where.

On July 2 a few years ago, she ran into him at a Fireworks event. He was living in a motel just a few blocks from her house (that we all drove past dozens of times a month) and had been there for more than a year. Everything was good, he promised to come to dinner at her house on the 4th. I was talking to her on the phone and she said “I have to go, he’ll be here soon.” Nothing. A no show. She finally called the motel. He’d been taken to a hospital the day before and the hospital had no way to contact her. He was in intensive care for 2 weeks and died. I think seeing her was a release he needed. I was grateful we knew what happened to him, that his sisters didn’t have to worry about him any more.

I prefer to look at the good things he did with his life, like taking care of his mother. He was an interesting person but he didn’t want to work any more and just wanted to drink. Their entire family suffered from mental illness (even my friend) and some chose not to treat their illness. They didn’t have a funeral just just a gathering at my friend’s house, and a few friends from his youth showed up. It was closure.

It’s hard to think of your brother (father, son, ex-husband) living on the street, but sometimes that’s what they want. All you can do it let him know you are there to help if he wants it, but that there will be no more money spent on him. Let him work his 20 hours, let him spend his time as he likes. Don’t expect him to change, because he won’t

We have neighbors, an older couple, who are hoarders. They have health issues and we’ve had to call the ambulance a few times. I called the city help line and was told there was nothing they could do if the people don’t want help. The city said the best thing we could do is NOT help them. Don’t help them when he falls, don’t offer to drive them home from the hospital. Seems harsh, but they’ll take the help when they really need it. I do help them put out their trash but they won’t let us cut their grass or shovel for them. Her son tries to help, but they won’t accept it from him either.