Mental disabilities in brother

greenbutton
Tue, 30 Nov 2021 16:16:07 +0000

My son is an adult with ADHD. It really is frustrating to see people unable to do the little things that neurotypical people take for granted, but you need to reframe this whole relationship if you want to retain some peace of mind, and your end of the relationship (because he will always have a choice about the connection, too). You can set boundaries for yourself, but insisting on X Y or Z with people with these issues just drives them away, deeper into failing, further from health.

You can’t fix what’s wrong here, not by coercion, words, financial pressure, hindsight, Ritalin, etc… I know, it’s heartbreaking. What you can do is decide what you want more : (for example) You want him to have a car, give him the car. You want him to be uncomfortable enough to get a car? Sure, withhold your car then, but know he isn’t capable of doing that. You want him to be capable? Well, that’s really understandable, of course. And yet, not your control, and not even his. Be honest with yourself about what you really want, it helps.

A good coach motivates with success, not failure. A good coach sees beyond today’s obstacle and helps make a plan, but they can’t be the one to carry it out. You are the lighthouse, not the boat.

I highly recommend following any number of ADHD groups, because you will feel a bit less exasperated (and again, totally normal) and it made all the difference for me and mine. You can do this, hang in there.