"Mom, C's are great!"

Mitdu
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:44:28 +0000

Bflo–

I’ve sent you an e-mail. But I think there’s a message for others, too.

Some kids who seem capable of getting A’s can’t seem to figure out how. All their lives, they’ve been told by caring adults to “try harder” and “live up to their potential.” But that advice doesn’t lead to As. Instead, it leads to frustration.

Most kids don’t want to disappoint themselves or their parents. But after years of struggling, it just doesn’t seem worth the effort of trying hard and almost always falling short. This paradox seems all too common for ADHDers or twice-exceptionals (people with gifted IQs but a learning disability.) Their brains just aren’t wired the way most schools teach and test!

So they tell themselves that Cs are fine. Yes, it’s a copout. But it’s also a coping mechanism. A kid who settles for “average” is usually better off emotionally than a kid who truly hates school, hates himself and hates life.

My 75-year old father needs a hearing aid but rationalizes that the real problem is people who mumble or the TV volume not being loud enough. Similar with kids who rationalize that a C is fine. It’s hard for any of us to accept the reality that we can’t do what comes so easily to others. No matter how much willpower they have, it’s not enough for my dad to hear clearly or your son to read a textbook chapter and remember the facts for a test. Over time, their willpower wanes and they resort to making excuses instead.

Probably not worth arguing with him over this. Pick your battles. I’d focus on finding a medication that works for him (and it may take several trials/errors) and getting a 504/accommodations in place. Once he finds the right med/right 504, give it six months. Then see if his grades and his attitude about school are any better.

And if he winds up going to a community college for two years, then transferring to a four year school, he can still be a happy, productive adult.