motivating/changing habits

poetgrl
Mon, 17 Dec 2012 10:40:43 +0000

there is a book called “Drive” which discusses what motivates us.

The truth is we are not all motivated by the same things, which is where I think parents and kids can sometimes find a disconnect. Heck, even my husband and I are not motivated by the same things. I would be happy living with a lot less than he really actually “needs” to be at ease.

I have one child who is really curious about intellectual matters and one who lives mainly in her body and was an athlete for many years. They are both equally motivated, in life, but by entirely different things.

The key is to understand them, and try to assist them in finding what they need to motivate them within the framework of what YOU think they really need to be happy, long term.

So, my youngest really doesn’t care that much about school, though she’s quite bright, but she is motivated by success and nice cars and clothes and food and events. We have shown her that in order to have the stuff she wants she needs to get the education “we want.” Whatever it takes. I’m not picky.

Find what motivates your son, whether it’s other people, or nice cars, or free time, or whatnot. Then, if you want to change bad habits, you have to figure out what they are getting from those bad habits. It sounds like yours is getting “free time.” So, you need to find a way to show that free time comes from hard work, and not from sitting around. You have to link the reward up to a new routine. It’s not complicated.


trigger to procrastination and laziness
laying around doing nothing productive
reward: free time.


new habit:


trigger to having things to do that I hate thinking about.
New routine: getting it all done so I don’t have to think about it any more.
reward: free time.


Good luck to you.

ETA: that idea is one of many laid out in “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life.” By Durigg, Charles. FYI