My daughter hates everyone

lookingforward
Sat, 18 Aug 2012 18:26:35 +0000

Two things: the right counselor matters. Aim for one who specializes in youth through college; they really have a bead on what kids in this age group go through. Some are particularly astute at connecting personally (a separate skill) with this age group. You may not find the right match, at first, but keep trying. After going through this, I always suggest a psychiatrist, partly because the med training allows some broader understanding; also because they can prescribe meds. If your doc can’t recommend, you can often ask the local college health folks; many private hs also have suggestions.

Second, either family counseling or parents get help on their own. This helps you get an idea of effective ways to deal with various issues, know when to- and how to- remain calm, etc. It can help you understand if you are inadvertently playing into this or enabling. Or how to help put her wheels back on the right tracks.

An anecdote. One of my kids has a very sweet friend DH and I joking called “3 hs Susie,” after her parents put her in her 3rd hs. This wasn’t about academics or an obvious social issue. She just kept convincing them she wanted to change. Then, “4 hs Susie.” Went to a college known for specializing in helping kids find direction. Guess what? She’s a rising college junior, about to start her 7th school in 7 years. I kid you not.