My LD son failed freshman year

blossom
Sun, 09 Apr 2023 13:39:10 +0000

OP- hugs to you. Challenging situation for sure.

As an outsider- it sounds as though you are trying to solve for multiple things simultaneously and that often doesn’t work. It might help to break down what’s on the table in front of you- pick one thing- and figure that out, then tackle the next thing.

In my world, the life skills (in this case, recognizing when you need help and figuring out how to get it) usually trump everything else. So the job sounds terrific- he’ll have colleagues and supervisors (and clients/customers) and he’ll need to recognize when he’s falling behind or overwhelmed.

You may need to consciously step back from the role you are used to playing. He knows how to set an alarm to wake up-- you can’t be the one reminding him he has an early shift. When he’s living in a dorm, there is no parental scaffolding on the alarm setting/wake up early dimension. You can’t be the one running his work uniform or shirts through the wash- he needs to remember when he gets home to run the load if he wants to be ready for work the next day.

Etc.

Also- you mentioned that it wasn’t excessive partying that did him in. I want to push back on that a little- I’m not suggesting that he was at drunken raves every night. Just that parents don’t quite understand the 24/7 “someone’s always around” climate in a dorm these days. Someone has an online game going just when you get bored with homework. Someone in the room across from yours has a bunch of guys playing poker and laughing hysterically, the room down the hall is playing something else, your roommate wants to order pizza, the guy one floor up thinks it would be hilarious to take a midnight swim before the pool closes and the athletes go home.

Three ring circus. Food everywhere all the time (thank you Uber eats) and no shortage of friends who want to hang out. So recognize that if this is the type of environment which distracts him-- his claims that he just “fell behind” are a bit lacking in introspection.

But tackle first things first. He’s living at home and has a job- yay! Now you need to practice NOT advising him, supporting him, letting him flounder and figure it out in a low stakes way. The consequences for being late for work are immediate-- an aggravated boss who is NOT your mom will yell at you. Let him experience this and solve it on his own. No amount of warning “You can’t be late for work” is a substitute for an irate supervisor!