My Son has No Friends!

D_yer_Maker
Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:59:05 +0000

Agree with prepparent. And when you’re speaking with your child, don’t let him/her use you as the negativity sounding board. You’re not at the school and you’re in no position to take sides. Tell your child to share those thoughts with someone at school, too. (If it’s legit, they’ll hopefully do that. But if they’re exaggerating or testing you in some way, they’re not going to file a grievance over something that’s contrived and would quickly be uncovered by someone who is at the school.)

If you encourage whining/complaining by reinforcing it in any number of ways (such as taking sides, for starters), then you have no reason to expect it will ever stop.

Here are some other thoughts I had on this point earlier in this thread: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/1061231121-post8.html






































Finally, your end of a phone call should sound something along the lines of this:

Hello! I was on the school web site and it sounds like this is a busy week for your [grade/sports team/etc.]I*

Oh?

Yes. I see.

No, that doesn’t sound good. So you told someone at school about this before calling me about it, right?

Why not?

Well, they’re the ones who can help.

Don’t be silly! Of course I love to hear from you! In fact, I’d love for you to tell me how you think you can fix this situation.

Uh-huh.

Oh, I see.

Then it sounds like you’ve got to take some steps to make things better for yourself.

No, I can’t do that. That’s for you to do. But I can help you brainstorm some ways for YOU to handle this.

Okay, but can you also find someone there to run these ideas by? I have no idea if they make sense because I don’t live there.

That’s a good idea. At least it sounds good. But what do I know?

Oh, that sounds complicated to me. I’d ask an adult there before doing that.

Those are some good ideas you have. So, is that your plan? You’re going to do all of those things?

When do you plan on doing them?

Well, give me a call after you’ve done these things. I look forward to hearing how you get this resolved!

END RESULT: You’ve left the matter in your child’s hands and directed him/her to adults who are better equipped than you to assist him/her.






































Your calls should NOT go like this:

Oh, I was afraid you’d call. Is that still going badly?

It is?!?! That just infuriates me!

And I bet he’s getting away with it, too.

I need to talk to someone about this. Who can I call?

Okay, here’s what I’m going to do.

I can’t believe this! Is this affecting your grades?

No way! I’m spending all this money for this? Unbelievable.

That was uncalled for. I hope someone noticed.

Oh, I am sooooo sorry about this.

Let me send you some extra money so you can get out of that place and go on the trip to the mall this weekend. You need a break from that nonsense.

Well, you hang in there. I’m thinking of you and behind you 100%! Just let me know what I can do, hon.

Call me again this evening so we can talk more about this…Bye!

END RESULT: This is now your problem. Possibly entirely yours. And once it’s yours, it will remain yours. You’ve been pwned (as a former poster here would say).