My Son has No Friends!

D_yer_Maker
Tue, 04 Nov 2008 08:22:00 +0000

Absolutely correct, anothermom2! I struggled with how to work that in without sending conflicting signals. One small way to do this is to be positive and use positive sounding words when telling the child to go elsewhere for practical adult assistance.

The key is to make sure that your child understands that your love is truly unconditional. We tend to think of “unconditional love” as “the kind of love that will come even when the child does wrong.” And that’s correct, but it also means “the kind of love that will come when the child does right.” In other words, don’t let your child’s unresolved situation become the trigger for dispensing love. Otherwise s/he’ll keep pulling the trigger.

Make sure that your child understands that there’s no special reward or high-octane love that flows when s/he gets caught up in a jam. The best way to do that is not in the context of those phone calls. The best way to let your child know that your love is truly unconditional is to send those positive vibes and expressions of love and support even when there’s nothing going awry. That way, when you show your unqualified support during the tough times, it’s not like you’re giving him or her a Scooby Snack.