My UF essay

bookworm
Tue, 19 Oct 2004 17:16:10 +0000

You lost me in the first P, but I like the second. I wsn’t sure why you began with view from window, as compared to going outside, but don’t think it matters.

Better to begin more active, eg, “” view from my apt window…of busy downtown Miami street, …congested traffic, bustling commuters. I don’t get why they all look alike, unless its because of your vantage. why does it drown your uniqueness? What makes them look more individual in imagined city? What countryside can you see from downtown Miami?
My problem not with writing style, but trying to understand how ideas flow together. I’m doing a poor job of expressing myself, so I hope others pitch in with suggestions