Need advice on college choice, $$, etc.

fallenchemist
Sun, 06 Mar 2016 14:31:30 +0000

@phunt01810

I have no problem with either the “cant pay” or the “wont pay”
If the kid wants it that badly then they can take loans (ie w parent) and work.

I dont believe parents owe it to their kids to “full pay” for a private education, if they can and want too that
great…but the kids are not "owed " it

The college process is very emotional for parents and kids…they will get thru it. And to those who have . expressed resentment towards their parents for NOT full paying their “dream” school, GET OVER IT!
Spoiled!!!

I have no issue with you holding that opinion, and I don’t even disagree with it technically. The problem is that for the situation at hand it is completely irrelevant and misses the point. The point being that in American society, starting around the 1960’s or so, it became increasingly common for parents to pay for college for their children to the extent they could afford it. By the 1980’s or early 1990’s, this was so much the case that to not do so, at least in part, was the exception. But there is certainly still no obligation legally or even traditionally for a parent to HAVE TO PAY for that college education in any amount.

What has become an obligation, though, because of this 30-40 year old set of circumstances, is for the parent to tell the child early, like when they start middle school at best and when they start high school at worst, what their intentions are. To tell a child all the way until the college decisions are in not to worry about finances and then say “Oh, we don’t intend to pay for any of this” is abhorrent. Now that is extreme of course. But while less extreme, to tell that child not to worry about finances, or to mislead them by not even bringing it up as an issue (keep in mind who are the adults and parents here when you or others say things like “the child should know enough to figure it out”, which is absurd anyway) and only telling them at the last minute there are limitations, is equally unethical and a ridiculous violation of their responsibility as parents. What the child SHOULD be expected to be able to know given all the facts is where they can then apply in hopes of being able to afford it if accepted. Or they can make other plans like taking a gap year to establish independence from the parents and therefore qualify for total aid at a school like Princeton.

But your blithe and breezy short little comments make no sense if the student has never been made aware of the true situation. Not in today’s society here. Back in the first half of the 20th century? Sure, that was totally different. Nearly every child not of the wealthy class would assume that they would have to work their way through college and would prepare accordingly, if college was a goal they were that fixated on. Then your comments make sense. Now they don’t at all given the times and the particulars as laid out by the OP.