need help on the essay - dec 4th

essayhelpplz
Sat, 27 Nov 2010 20:14:18 +0000

hi guys

im taking the sat in december and need my essay to be strong (its what always messes up my score)

i did a practice one and tried to use the 10 steps to the 12 thing

here it is: please do let me know my score and where i should improve
just for reference: length = 450 wds

Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?

Knowledge is always beneficial. It is powerful and can have a profound impact on lives, exemplified by several examples in history and in the present.

Doctor Alfredo Quinones is one of the leading brain surgeons in the USA, but his path to receiving this honor is more spellbinding than the achievement itself. Quinones grew up in Mexicali, a bucolic abode in Mexico. Nevertheless, he was severely impoverished, with nothing but a pittance to live on. When he was 19, he immigrated illegally to the USA, serving as a migrant worker. He farmed all day and received meager pay, and he soon realized that the pay he received would not support a family or his future. He turned to one thing to bring him out of the abyss of poverty: knowledge. Quinones enrolled in a community college, taking night classes with the little he had saved. He then saved enough to enroll in a more formal school, and after 4 years of undergraduate education, he applied to Harvard. He was accepted to the medical school, and became a brain surgeon, achieving his goal of a sustainable lifestyle. The key to his success was his intrepid commitment to knowledge, as he stove to learn more and more. Knowledge for him provided all that he needed, and so it was of great benefit, providing him with the income he needed.

In addition to Quinones, another story of success was that of Charlemagne. Charlemagne was a French ruler who brought fame and prosperity to Western Europe during the Feudal Period (500-1500 AD). His people loved him, and deemed him Charlemagne, “Charles the Great”. The key to his success, similar to that of Quinones, was his focus on education. After uniting the people with his military prowess, Charlemagne kept the people unified with education. He established libraries and schools to teach science, math and the arts. His French capital, Paris, became the knowledge center of the world, and many flocked there to learn more. This in turn augmented Western Europe’s status in the world and brought fame and prosperity to the region. This use of knowledge by Charlemagne demonstrates that knowledge can be extremely beneficial.

Knowledge can even be beneficial in situations we cannot control. Volcanic eruptions are too enormous for us to control and regulate them. However, volcanologists can analyze the data and predict when and where volcanic eruptions will occur. Moreover, this information is then released to the public, notifying them to not be in the eruption zone. Knowledge therefore, can save lives even in situations we cannot control.

Knowledge is always beneficial, as evidenced by Alfredo Quinones, Charlemagne, and volcanic eruptions. Even in situations we cannot control, knowledge serves us well. Knowledge is, indeed, power.