Need HELP with the 200 Words UC davis waitlist essay

1314Edlyn
Sun, 20 Mar 2016 02:51:09 +0000

Hi guys~ so in the mid-March I received the wait-list offer from Davis, as well as other several rejection letter from UCSC and UCI…well, kind of devastated… Anyway, I just finished the first draft of this short essay, and I would really appreciate if someone could help me enhance it a little bit, maybe revising the grammar mistakes and such things like that. Thank you guys in advanced!

Dear admission committee
I am writing to you to reiterate my interest in enrolling in UC Davis if admitted because it is not only the dream school I am always eager to attend, but also a place where I can pursue the college dreams that my parents never had an opportunity to accomplish. Last year I visited the campus once, and I was deeply impressed with the positive energy that the environment, students and staffs there conveyed to me. This tour really fascinates me and determines my aspiration of being a part of the community. So this semester I am taking two AP classes and I will strive to score well in the AP test in order to make myself closer on the approach to my dream school. In addition to the academic effort I am willing to give in college, I am also excited to participate in the statistics club at UC Davis, where I can find people who have the same interest, and contribute to what I indeed enjoy doing. Finally,I would like to thank you for the time you had spent on reviewing my application.