Need insight. Please, grade my essay.

argbargy
Sat, 29 Dec 2012 10:39:47 +0000

There should be a clearer position on the prompt: notice how you waffle between “well this is good, but this is bad”. You need more focus on your position.

No sure what this sentence means: “All these assert the fact that the world is, behind the scene, exacerbating.”

You first example talks about the increased mechanization of farming, thus making it less labor intensive. Rather than causing poverty, historically increased urbanization has lead to increased standard of living and income as people get away from subsistence farming.

I point that out because I think your essay would have been stronger if you used that example and your second in more of a macro sense. Yes students may appear to be learning more but in fact they are just using tools to regurgitate information better to get a grade. In reality there is a moral rot setting in and an indolence. Similarly we may get to a point where all the food the entire population needs is produced by just a tiny percent of the population. Kids lured away by “cool” urban life and the horse dance will quit the farm and the older folk will die off and we will be left we a population that doesnt know how to feed itself, although know how to blog and twitter.

Over all I think its a high 4. You should get rid of some of your fancy phrases to help it.