need some advice on life please

absolutetruth
Sun, 20 Feb 2011 17:32:38 +0000

hello everyone

i have a dilemma that’s stressing. i don’t know where to go in life. i try to live in the present moment as much as possible, and i try to not let it affect me but it still does. body has aged 19 years

to be honest, i don’t want to attend college or university. my beliefs about public education (private schools too for that matter) create an aversion. i believe public education (colleges and universities) is more restraining than liberating. it limits you and your entire life afterward rather than allowing your full potential as a being to blossom. thing such as name, status/reputation, education, money, making friends or acquaintances, “becoming successful”, getting a girlfriend or even marriage/creating a family (hang in there before you throw your hammer of judgment :]) are not things that really interest me, in fact i do not believe any of those things bring “true happiness”. my parents want me to attend college/university, and if i don’t it is obvious they will become deeply saddened, and this in return creates a guilt which does not allow me to continue onto any other plans other than public education.

my real interest is in Truth, Reality, Liberation… etc. things such as Advaita Vedanta (a philosophy from India), Yoga (which is not an exercise but an internal science to freedom), Zen, and Taoism are what truly interest me… finding our true nature, finding what is Real. if i didn’t have parents, i would go to india and become an ascetic (basically a hermit who has renounced material life), but this is not possible due to my parents (perhaps this will be possible in my elderly years). i do not belong to any religion.

so you may say, “why not just go to college and study philosophy or psychology? make your parents happy while still having a firm grip on your true interests.” universities in California (which is the only place i would attend school if i am to go) only offer Western philosophy for the most part, which does not interest me at all. western psychology does not interest me either.

i could just get a job which doesn’t require any degrees or certificates and live in a cheap apartment, but this would still leave my parents saddened, which again results in guilt which will not allow this type of lifestyle.

it makes me upset how selfish their desire for me to go to college is, when they know well what my beliefs are. when you get down to it, honestly, they expect too much, like most parents. the fact that they even have a son is not enough, they have to see me succeed to feed their ego or else they become sad, and they know their sadness affects me to the point that i am not able to do anything else. but i have to continuously suppress the desire to become upset with understanding, and now im left with a constant “anxiety-kinda feeling” (which they have become very clearly aware of) which i feel for almost the entire waking state of the day (this background emotion has been going on for almost a year). you can call it a mild case of depression if you’d like, i guess. if i try to smoke marijuana or cigarettes, this specific feeling intensifies to the point that my body starts to twitch and shake, making me very uncomfortable, so i don’t use drugs.

I apologize if i have offended you giving my beliefs towards public education.
advice please? thank you