Negative reactions regarding child attending BS

dowzerw
Sun, 06 Mar 2016 17:25:33 +0000

A few responses in general:

1. It is helpful to remember that when we say we were seeking more opportunities for our children, the person on the receiving end, possibly from the institution being abandonned, will hear it differently. Instead of hearing "We want more...", they hear "You have less...". There are those who might be saying "We want more" with the intention of throwing "shade" but more likely, they are saying what they mean with no hidden agenda. It's about me; it's not about you. The negative reaction to the comment, the assuming one is being dissed, reflects the receivers own issues-whether of jealousy or inadequacy or whatever. Nonetheless, it is helpful to remember to be considerate in how we answer their question about

It is sad that we can’t find joy in each other’s successes and opportunities but we are human and it doesn’t come naturally.

1. Our children have attended public, parochial, day and now one is at boarding school. The choice to go was entirely hers. We had no interest in letting her go. She was a star at her local day school and receiving recognition for being so. SHE decided she wanted "more". She recognized she could be pushed farther. We've been to the college admissions rodeo a few times and know that by making this change, she was likely giving up her opportunity to get into many top schools. Adcoms recognize one is coming from a stronger school, but at the end of the day, the ratings game matters. If they can have child A with higher grade point average and class standing, all else being the exact same for Child B-demographic, experience, standardized test scores, that is preferable. So while our child is getting a fuller, richer education, she is now among top students from around the world and does well but is no longer in that top 2. We have talked about the cost of her choice a number of times. She feels quite strongly about staying the BS course.

2. Metrics aside, I can tell you that from our direct experience, our child is receiving a considerably stronger education. Her old day school was fine and upstanding. Her present boarding school has her working at a college level. She was working on a paper yesterday defending the practice of eugenics. She has debated the thinking of philosophers such as Marx and Kant. She is working so very hard, more so than her college aged siblings (now that begs another discussion, but not here). When it comes time for her to go to college, she will do well. She may have traded the chance to attend certain top schools she would have otherwise been offered admission to, but she will find college to be quite do-able after her experience at her rigorous boarding school. It's hard as her parents to let her go and it is hard to have her choose to play the game her way when we know the cost in the college admissions game, but she wanted more, she is getting more.

3. It has been our experience as it has been for many others that our hometown friends have moved on without us. It makes us sad and is perplexing. We don't think it comes from a place of malice and we were fortunate to not have people second guess her decision, at least not to our faces.But it is isolating. Esp as we adjust to having "lost" our kid. Lost her. Lost the friends. Sigh.

Where is the parenting manual we are owed?