Niece needs guidance , mother not stepping up

lje62
Fri, 07 Jan 2011 11:50:36 +0000

So a bit of a rant / advice seeking thread here. My niece ( sister’s daughter ) has just completed her first semester of a college that was the only one she ever visited. she had her mind made up before she even applied that this was the only school for her. Unfortunately , while going thru her junior and senior yrs of HS , my sister was not the mother she had been for the first 16 yrs of her daughter’s life. She went thru a divorce and became a 48 yr old teenager, complete with an immature bf .
Sadly , niece went from #1 priority to set on auto-pilot and kind of forced into growing up a little too early. This has been a family issue for the last 2+ yrs.
As we all knew, niece hated her school ( out of state, remote , snow non-stop , suitcase school )
Now she is thinking about transferring or possibly attending community college for a year. Nothing wrong with either option EXCEPT…she wants to transfer to a school ( not any one in particular ) out in Ca , because her high school bf is out there…
She has put er bf up to calling her mother to help convince her that this would be the best thing.
My feeling is this , my sister didn’t offer enough guidance the first time up to bat , such as insisting that her daughter visit and apply to multiple schools and exercise all of her options.
Now that she is regretting her choice , I feel that as her mother , she has an obligation to see things thru and weigh the pros and cons of the potential new school…also there is no reason to consider community colleges 3000 miles from home. She should physically visit alternate schools , ask questions, check her comfort level, etc…all things parents do with their college bound kids
Her high school sweetheart is a very nice boy , but I don’t think they will stay together forever ( kind of surprised there wasn’t a turkey drop ) and I don’t think that should be a consideration about her own education.
I am wondering if I should have a talk with my niece since she has had to lean on me as well as my other sister from time to time in her own mother’s indifference…

I should also add that my sister doesn’t pay a dime towards the cost of college , but our mother DOES and will not support a move without it being better planned than being closer to bf