No idea.

Simba1994
Wed, 25 Sep 2013 02:47:44 +0000

Thank you all again so much for your responses. I really appreciate it. I had another long day doing some stuff at school so I just now finally got the time to sit down and read this thread again. My dad is coming to visit me tomorrow and says he wants to have an “adult-adult” conversation with me… I guess I have to have some points to discuss with him. You’ve all told me multiple ways to give them the message, hopefully it works.

@apprenticeprof: I never considered that, but I am sure she is not because if she was my father would’ve told me and my siblings about it a long time ago to try and justify her occasional behavior. I have also considered seeing someone for this, but I really wouldn’t know what to say. She usually only gets uptight when I don’t answer her all day as opposed to just rejecting a few calls, sorry I didn’t make that clear. I know she’s not elderly, but she has told me on more than one occasion that her blood pressure can go high when she’s stressed, and I wouldn’t want that.

@mom2collegekids: I agree with you. I think that’s what I’m going to have to do, gradually cut the cord. As far as “rules”, it is just as when I was home; being at my apartment before midnight, don’t ignore her calls/texts for any reason whatsoever (the only exception is when I’m driving, but when she expects me to answer if I’m at a red light/pull over, and always tell her everything I do. I have that same concern; she has threatened me a few times with that. I really feel that is just over the top; she knows how much these few years mean to me and her being in excessive constant contact with me will not make these years enjoyable like they should be. I let her know that I’m studying a lot, so I do give her the impression that I’m living a boring life; as whenever I’m in my apartment when she calls I just say in a “dead” tone “I’m at my apartment”.

@ProudMom: Thank you. I do think that that is probably why this is happening as well. I guess I have to “toughen up” overall… and be more firm/assertive. It seems that I’m too nice… I’ve always had this problem. :/

@naviance: Thank you. I think I’m going to call her in the mornings as well. That’s better than calling at night when I may not not even be at my apartment to begin with.

@lullabies: Yeah… my mom is still doing that. But thanks for your input, it seems that the general consensus is to ignore my phone more, despite the way my mom may feel about it. It’s already the second year and I think it should be better at this point than what it was the first year. I guess I’m going to try to have another conversation with them.

@higgins: Yeah, I remember when I was home my sister would only text her, she would almost never pick up her phone. She got angry, saying that she wanted to “hear her voice”, and was tired of texts.

@acollegestudent: I agree. Thanks for your input. I am probably going to have another conversation and discuss all this very soon in great detail.

@intparent: Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it. You have great points and I think I am going to take yours (along with pretty much everyone else’s) advice in this thread and hopefully things will get better.

@younghoss: But of course. As I said I always try my best in school; they know this. They know that I am an excellent student because I would always show them my report card and my grades when they ask without hesitation because I had noting to hide. I’d like to think I have a good balance between my school life and social life here.

@Hunt: I think that may be what ends up happening. I really want them to get the message, but if they never fully accept it then there’s really nothing else I can do. I’m unhappy living this way so I need to step up already…

@TempeMom: I think that’s what I’m going to do from now on. Starting tomorrow even. I’m going to be the one to initiate the call only in the morning and say I’m going to be busy for the rest of the day. Hopefully the calls decrease in frequency from multiple times a day to once a day, and maybe even less than that. And I’m going to discuss all this with my dad, who is coming to visit me tomorrow. I really hope he is more understanding. And you are right, my mom has said that on multiple occasions when I ignored her (albeit accidentally) that she “was ready to take off”.

@Wellspring: Thank you for your input. I appreciate it. With you being a parent, I can see what the correct course of action should be.

@qialah: Yes, to a certain extent. They are a bit more extreme with me though. For instance, my siblings can come home at more or less any time (as long as they are constantly “checking in”) but I cannot, whether I’m at home or not.

@Oldmom: I know. I usually don’t anyway, so that’s not really an issue. But thanks for your input. :]

@momtotwins: Thank you for your input. I think I’m going to stick to the mornings; I know she just wants to know that I’m alive. Whatever I do throughout the day shouldn’t really matter to her all that much anymore since I’m away, so long as I’m alive to call her the next morning. Again, that’s not a problem for me since I don’t do anything “naughty” anyway, so I don’t see why she wouldn’t be okay with this.

Again, I just wanted to thank all of you again for your responses. I did read every single one and to prove that I did indeed do that I have been replying to each and every one that posted; in case no one has noticed, haha. I really feel that I can sort out my feelings and expectations a bit better now and hopefully I’ll know exactly what to say to my father tomorrow when he arrives for that adult-adult conversation.