Old Fashioned In-Laws

HouseChatte
Thu, 12 Apr 2018 03:47:05 +0000

My parents and in-laws were all very intelligent but my in-laws were much more intellectual and serious. The irony is I agreed with them on many political and ideological issues but couldn’t stand to discuss them because MIL and FIL were both self-righteous and heavy handed about things. Consequently they assumed I was shallow and treated me accordingly. I couldn’t even take it personally, because they thought that about a lot of people and behaved the same towards them too. DH couldn’t stand it and distanced our nuclear family from them.

We maintained enough contact to be available in emergencies and were able to help them both when FIL died over fifteen years ago, and more recently when MIL was deciding to move to a CCRC and died in the midst of finalizing those plans.

It’s harder for DH now that our sons are grown and involved with / married to their partners. DH was seething that he could never imagine me treating either DIL or DS1’s SO the way his parents (his mother specifically) had treated me, and both young women are as different from me, if not more so, than I was from MIL. He says the contrast makes the treatment we got from his parents that much worse. It’s so raw now with his mother’s recent death.

The fact that our sons have each found someone who makes them feel wonderful is such a source of joy. We can’t imagine not making the most of knowing them. I think that’s a really sad part of having someone behave as though an important part of your life or character is invisible – it’s such a lost opportunity for everyone.