Opinion needed on how to handle work situation

LasMa
Sat, 01 Sep 2012 02:59:41 +0000

He’s lonely. Never married means that in addition to having no wife, he has no kids or grandkids. His siblings are probably far away, unable to travel, or passed away. Ditto with all of his past friends. His world is very small, and you’re an important part of it. I’d be extremely surprised if there’s anything sexual or manipulative to this. He just wants someone to talk to.

With the seniors in my life, I find that more, short interactions are better than fewer, long interactions – better for them, and better for me. I’ve also found that it’s very helpful to end every interaction with a reminder of the next time I’ll see them. I think that many seniors have a great fear of being abandoned, so a simple reminder that you’ll be seeing them again soon is very reassuring.

So in your situation, instead of one longer chat, you might want to break it up. You could have a 5-minute chat when he arrives and then say, “I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll see you before you leave. Can I walk you over to the bicycle?” And then get him settled on the bicycle, saying again, “I’ll see you before you leave.” Then after his workout, have another short chat and then say, “It’s been great talking to you, and I’ll see you again on Tuesday.”

As far as the invites: He remembers the Great Depression, and he knows the value of a job. Believe me, he doesn’t want to endanger yours. Be honest with him: “John, thank you, but it’s against the rules and I’d be in trouble.” That generation is highly respectful of work rules. And finish with: “But I’m looking forward to seeing you on Tuesday.” (And yes, you’ll have to say it repeatedly; that comes with the territory when you’re dealing with seniors.)

One simple thing to keep in mind is that old people LOVE to be smiled at by younger people. When you’re telling him you have to get back to work, or turning down his invitations, say it with a smile. It will make it easier for him to hear, and will send the message that even though you have to say No, you still like him.

And definitely protect yourself. If your boss is hard to reach, can you send him an email? This will have the added benefit of documenting your concerns in case there’s a problem later.