Parent of Gay Teens

Student615
Fri, 15 Feb 2008 21:42:51 +0000

I’m sure this varies by personality, but if I were in your son’s shoes, I’d also want to be communicating by note, email, whatever…even face-to-face if it occurred at a time that we couldn’t really have a full conversation. Going out to talk or settling in for a heart-to-heart sounds wonderful to me, but only in theory. In practice, I think I’d probably just squirm and deny until I was able to get away (and then I’d feel awkward for awhile, and potentially even defensive). I’m very close to both of my parents, and this would be the sort of thing I’d want them to know eventually, but I definitely wouldn’t want to converse about it. Confrontation, however gentle and/or well-intentioned, just doesn’t work on me (at least not in the short-term…sometimes it sets the stage for me to come around on my own terms, but then, so would a note, and with less trouble upfront).

If you write a note or something to that effect, then your son isn’t ‘put on the spot.’ He still gets to decide when, where, and how much to tell you. Meanwhile, he knows that he has your support, and you know he knows it. It seems like that in itself would be a big relief for both of you. But if he wants to keep things to himself for the time being, he can do so.

Again, though, how to approach this depends largely on your son’s personality and on your relationship with him. With my sister, my mom knows that the way to communicate is to spend one-on-one time talking things out, being frank, being open. With me, she knows that the only way she’ll ever get her points across is to leave relevant brochures, phone numbers, books, etc. where I’ll find them, or to very casually mention something in passing (even if it’s a serious subject). My dad knows that the best way to reach either one of us is to go through my mom. To each, his own…

I do hope that you work this out in a way that leaves both you and your son feeling comfortable. I didn’t see this thread when it was new, but it’s an interesting subject. Thank you for the update :)