Parenting Question (Sports, Small Kids)

Pizzagirl
Wed, 16 Mar 2011 12:01:19 +0000

I don’t really want to make it about our disagreements. The point is, no matter what I think, he and D will have to come to their own agreement. I am ready for a fight, myself, BUT–I do not want to unwittingly set her up for one, when she could avoid it.



Again, please don’t mistake this for telling you how to run your marriage or your life – but it will be a difficult situation if your D perceives that “mom would be OK if I wanted to do X, but dad isn’t, and now it’s between me and dad to work out a compromise.” If she senses that you secretly sympathize, and that if it were up to you, you’d let her do X, it sets him up as the bad guy and it sets the two of you up to be played against one another. It also sets you up to resent him if he forbids your D and she’s disappointed / upset.

Believe me, I totally get that it’s hard when one parent is dead-set convinced about something and the other is more easygoing – whether it’s clothing, activities, level of freedom permitted at a given age, etc. But it’s even more difficult if the two of you can’t present a unified front. Best of luck to you and your husband in working this out to something that is truly a compromise that both of you can live with and support equally. Who said this parenting thing was easy??