Parenting Question (Sports, Small Kids)

MmeZeeZee
Tue, 15 Mar 2011 16:13:12 +0000

“Please, there are a lot of sports-pushy parents out there.”



Yes, but around here it’s mainly because of the weather. People want kids in sports because it’s a great motivation to get outdoors. Yes, there are pushy parents (I could tell some funny stories) but most of the parents just want their kids with other kids and other adults. It’s about socialization and learning rules as much as anything.



“Are you allowing for the possibility that she may not be athletic, may not ever get in to a particular sport, or develops other interests (music, art, acting, whatever) that might occupy her time more than playing a sport? Would you be ok if she “just” becomes a healthy young woman who works out and does something recreationally for exercise (say, jogs a mile every day or does yoga or hits the tennis ball around with friends) but doesn’t ever really spark to becoming highly skilled in a given sport?”



Oh, absolutely. Her dad is a lazy bum and I do recreational sports only (skiing and yoga). However, I do think that she should feel confident going into middle school and high school sports if she wants to. I think it can be hard for a child who’s never played a sport, to just enter when all the other kids know the rules and have a hand at it. As I said, we didn’t get that and although I had good aim and was fast and flexible, I never felt like I was on the “inside” with sports. Other kids had been in leagues their whole lives.



The problem I see in your approach is that if you say you want her to do one sport , start it early and stick with it, you have invested too much emotional energy in her success in that sport.



You know… I really was more thinking automatically, without wanting this to happen, that that was what people just did (choose a sport and stick with it). As I said in an earlier post, the posts here have led me to realize that most kids actually don’t do that! So I’ve changed my mind. Also, I want her to be able to excel–i.e., to provide her with what she needs if she does love it–not for her to excel. I would be thrilled if she just did one sport and then worked out every so often, as well.

Again, this is more me thinking, I do not want her to be limited in the way I was (lack of experience because of no funding and no realization by my mom that most kids were getting this experience), and I also don’t want her to hit that wall of modesty with her dad. Not because I want her to be an Olympian.

The chances of her being an Olympian are pretty slim, LOL!

CCsiteObsessed, interesting classification of sports. Thanks.



You say she spends up to five hours a day playing in the park.



That’s the maximum, btw. I’d say our winter average is one hour (because it’s freezing) and summer average is closer to three hours. We like the sun and fresh air.



Ask her what she wants to do…please please please.



But she said gymnastics. And again, this is what I want(ed) to avoid. Because in the long-term, this will cause conflict. It is okay in Islam for little girls to wear pretty much anything. So no issues now. But I do not want her to get all invested in it. You know? Hence my entire dilemma. If it were totally up to her, she would choose swimming, gym, and dance.

In other words, leotard sports.

Not an option in the long term, unless she feels like, I dunno… having a huge fight with dad at 12. Or I divorce him. (That’s another story, LOL!) I mean, is that fair? I suppose we can just tell her it’s a good sport for little girls but grown-up ladies don’t show their inner thighs in public?

Obviously I see your point. I guess we will just expose her to as many other sports as possible and try to play down the gym thing.

@intparent

I feel like several posters are missing the cultural point the OP is making about clothing. I don’t blame you for steering your kid to avoid a future conflict, but giving her some choices within that is a good idea. I thought of another sport – hockey!! Sort of joking, as it is not a sport I would encourage my daugthers to play (too expensive, practices at awful hours, very big commitment in our state at an early age). And I hate sitting in the rink, it is cold (learned that while my Ds tried figure skating). So that is part of my advice – pick sports you don’t mind spending hours watching

I do think you are best off avoiding the “tiger mom” mentality of picking sport and pushing for excellence early. My kids have been encouraged to pick sports they like (they tried several, and as long as they stuck with it through the season we were okay with changes). You really can’t force a kid to excel in a sport, you can only expose and encourage them.

Regarding fencing, our club starts kids classes at age 7. However, you did mention that your spouse is in the military. If you move around a lot, you may or may not find a fencing opportunity nearby. Also… if you kid gets really good, it is very expensive (of course the gear is pricey, and they have to compete a lot in international competitions). Our club provides gears for beginners, though. We are not at the point with international travel (and likely won’t be, as D started at a later age), but other parents have talked about it.

We have a girl at our kids private school whose parents have similar restrictions on attire for sports. She just wears sweat pants, and I think she wears her team jersey over a 3/4 length t-shirt. She plays basketball and volleyball, and our coaches are okay with it. Some schools/areas may be more accepting of this than others, though.



Thank you! Yes, THAT is the point. LOL. If only I could just say, "Okay, do gymnastics for the rest of your life if you want, awesome! Without worrying, that is. Hockey, OMG. Great choice clothing-wise and in Washington State we do have some serious hockey families, but I dunno, I was thinking just today how I hope she keeps her straight teeth into adulthood, LOL.

@levirm: I have copied the rules from your league and am sending them to our local sports league. My friend coached soccer and she nearly got hit by a psycho dad when she confronted him about unsportsmanlike behavior (his wife stepped in). Those are great rules!!!



I have to say that I am really bothered by the idea of a girl’s athletic endeavors being circumscribed because of someone’s perception that shorts on an athlete are sexually provocative.

OP, my S was good friends in HS with a number of kids from two very religious conservative families, all of whom ran track and participated in other sports. The daughter ran track, played soccer too, and wore the usual shorts and tank, although when not attired for sports she dressed modestly in longish skirts and sleeves. Apparently her family was able to distinguish between athletic wear and provocation. I hope your husband comes to this understanding in time.



I can appreciate that but frankly, even if I support her, it will be a huge conflict. I also will say that there are some Muslim countries where yes, views of women are so limited that such dress is in fact provocative and exciting to men. Are they deprived? Yes. Is that our fault? No. It doesn’t change the fact that my husband has been there and knows of men that do, in fact, well never mind. Let’s just say that “provocative” is in the eye of the beholder and there are people who would be very excited to see a woman swimmer or gymnast.

Actually, not so much any more, thanks to the Internet, but we’ll see how their opinions change.

Re: Track uniforms: I’m going to be honest. I know her and I know her dad. If she becomes a runner, with her oddly long torso and short legs, and her complaining about running even in sprints (again, getting her checked for sleep apnea), I will be shocked. I am so sure that she will almost certainly not like track that I’d put money on it. She is very… I don’t know how to describe her personality except to say that she is motivated in funny, oppositional ways. She has to be looking at her competitor. I know she’s four but I also know other four-year-olds and she is really peculiar in her need for social interaction, and eye contact. However I’ll keep the unitards in mind, LOL! As you all have pointed out… you never know.

THE TEAL DEER:
Ultimately the fact that kids change often and that this is not traumatic has been really encouraging to me and I appreciate that. Cheers!

BTW–Modest to us is down to knees, covering shoulders or at least cap sleeves, and not a lot of activity showing the crotch. She doesn’t have to wear a headscarf if she doesn’t want to, though she may choose to.