Parents don't want me to go...

VelveteenR
Thu, 03 Mar 2016 14:42:02 +0000

I posted this to a similar question on the Service Academy Forums:

Our son sat us down a week before he went back to school for his junior year. He started simply, “Mom, Dad, I want you to know that I will be applying to service academies next year.” Never in a million years did we see that one coming, and he knew it. While we sat stunned and with poker faces (hopefully), he presented his simple case. I paraphrase, but some of this is etched on my memory forever:

I know that this is far from the plans I have always discussed with you (film school at USC), but something hasn’t rung true with me about that path for some time now. I guess I’ve known why for quite a while, but I know how you feel about the military, so I’ve hesitated to talk to you about it until I could clarify it to myself. I’m concerned that you hear me out and try to understand why I plan to serve my country before I consider doing any other thing. You have raised me to believe that “to him whom much as been given, much is expected.” You have provided me with so very much, so I think about that a lot. In fact, trying to understand what is expected of me informs all my decisions and is fundamental to the choice of college I make, the use I make of my education, and this next year is all about focusing on making the best college choices. You know that I love cinematography and have put many years of effort into that interest, but that’s just it. It’s just an interest. It will always be there for me. When I think about what I want out of my education and my life, I don’t think about shooting films. I think about meaning, I think about what all this education is for, I think about my talents and where I can best use them, and those thoughts always seem to end up with me in uniform. I want to serve my country, and I know there are many ways to do that, but I know that my education and experience have prepared me to be a candidate for officership in the military. This is how I want to serve. I will be applying to both Army and Navy, I hope with your blessing but, if not, I hope we can continue this discussion until you at least understand why this matters so much to me and why it seems so right to me.

I was dying inside as he said all this because I know my son. He made his case with the same quiet determination that drove him to choose a boarding school 2500 miles away from home at 14 when all of his friends were fine with our local high school offerings, the same tenacity to persevere along the path to earn his Eagle rank even though he was away from his troop most of his high school years, the same fearlessness with which he picked up an oar as a pudgy ninth-grader and said, “yes, I can do this.” Our varsity crew Eagle Scout was now telling us he would be pursuing a call to the military. It was done.

We probed every aspect of service we could think of with him to make sure he understood what he was getting into – as much as could be understood before the fact. Some of our questions included:

Do you understand how long the commitment is?

Do you understand that you will not be calling the shots?

Do you understand that the Army/Navy will use you where it sees fit, based on its needs, not yours?

Do you understand what an order is and its ramifications?

What is your understanding of “service?”

Who are you serving?

Where do you see yourself in service?

Do you understand what you might be giving up?

Are you willing to go this alone without support from us? (We are NOT moved by military installations)

Do you understand the term “ultimate sacrifice?”

Are you willing to make it?

Are there any conditions or circumstances under which you would not make it?

Do you know how much we love you?

True to his word, he completed the arduous application process far from home with no help from us. His boarding school also required eight other applications. We counted on the low acceptance rate or a DQ to make our military angst moot and to see him at one of his top-tier EA choices, but it was not to be. He chose USMA. We love him fiercely. We pray for him daily. We’ve buckled up to support him on this rough ride now that it’s started. We’re proud of our son for reasons that have nothing to do with the military but we know, without a doubt, that he will make a fine, fine officer.

@SteezyMug: There is probably nothing you can say that will change your parents’ minds. Fortunately for you, you are 18 and do not need their permission. Our son turned 18 the day before he received his appointment. There was nothing we could do, but we would not have stood in his way in any case. He made an adult decision, and we respect that.

So, accept the appointment. Be the best officer you can be. Stand tall in that uniform. Your parents don’t need to like it, but they love you and will certainly respect you. You will face tougher things in the military than your parents disapproval, count on that. But I bet that as they watch you earn those bars, they will come to an understanding of your choice and will support you. Parents are funny that way.