Picking College Via Boyfriend?

moondogguy
Wed, 30 Jan 2008 22:53:55 +0000

Our daughter, who is your typical average student and all around good kid, had only two criteria in choosing colleges: Small college and close to home. So she applied to three very nice small colleges, ranging from 15 to 45 minute drives from home. In addition, she applied to one medium size college about a three hour drive from home, mainly because it is a really nice college that we are very familiar with since it is close to our original hometown, and she would have lots of relatives around. She also applied to one very large college about a six hour drive from home only because it was the only college in the state that offered a couple of particular majors that she thought she might be interested in. She was accepted at all five colleges. However, when it came time to later apply to those two special majors at the large college (separate process as they are selective majors), she decided she really wasn’t interested enough to make it worth the trouble of applying. We told her at the time, that if she didn’t apply to those special majors, then she would essentially be crossing that college off her list, as no reason to be making that long of a drive for a major she could just as well get at one of the closer colleges, all of which better fit her original criteria. She was readily agreeable. She had subsequently narrowed the field to two colleges, one of the small close up colleges and the medium size three hours away college, and then finally decided on that small close up college. We would be very happy with her going to either of the two, and cost doesn’t enter into the picture. (We can afford any of the five colleges with no loans and she would live in the dorms, even for the close by colleges.)

Now the problem: Her boyfriend, who is actually a really nice kid who we like (but isn’t the most motivated student) was denied admission to all the colleges to which he applied, except to the large college six hours away. (Although it has the reputation of accepting anyone, he was actually initially deferred even there. And two of the colleges he was outright denied are regarded as colleges you apply to if you can’t get in anywhere else.) Now our daughter has decided she wants to go to the large college six hours away also, so they can be together. This college clearly isn’t a good fit for her, is just the opposite of her original criteria, and we believe a boyfriend is not a good reason to base a college choice on. In fact, we think there is a high probability he will flunk out his first semester, and he will end back up here at the local community college, leaving her alone at a college six hours away. We’ve suggested maybe given his track record, he should start at the local community college anyway and she could go to her close (half hour away) small college she originally chose, and they could still see each other all the time. Unfortunately, seems that he is dead set on a 4 year college, and expects her to follow him there.

Should we just take a stand and forbid her from going to the large college far away? We are afraid that it would just result in her starting off with a bad attitude regarding the college “we make her go to.” Sounds like her backup plan if we do forbid her from going there, is to go to the medium size college about a three hours drive away from our home. It is also only about three hours from the large college, and we think they are making plans to take turns visiting each other frequently on weekends. However, we’ve told her that we would not be happy with her traveling three hours on her own on weekends on the interstates to see her boyfriend, and if we found out she was doing it, we would confiscate her car. Now we are reluctant to even let her pick the medium size college, thinking she would be making the trips behind our backs. Also, as we’ve explored the colleges further, we think her original choice of the small close by college is the best fit for her personally. Also, she is not very self-sufficient, and hence if she needed something, it wouldn’t be a chore to just run over and help with whatever she needed. Makes for a gradual transition to independence. What should we do?