Picking College Via Boyfriend?

memake
Thu, 31 Jan 2008 13:12:09 +0000

I feel like I’m just piling on here, but this dilemma struck a chord for me. First, some 2nd hand experience: i know a girl who turned down harvard, her first choice, to be able to follow her bf to (an admittedly very good) LAC. 10 years or so later, they are still together, and from what I hear, pretty happy. When I first heard about this situation I was full of shock and sympathy for the 'rents. Fast forward 10 years, I now have been through the parent-of-teen wringer a time or three, and I have a different take. If it were my child, and the child in question was at all oppositional and less-than-perfectly mature, I would pretty much throw the ball in their court – tell them I trust their decision-making ability, will support them as much as possible in their decision, and will love them no matter which college they choose to attend. THEN I would point out to them (once only) the reasons why the smaller, closer colleges are a better choice in my opinion. And that’s it.

I say this with the assumption that you (the parent) are right, and the large college really is a poorer choice: the problem is that you probably won’t win by taking the choice out of her hands. On the other hand, letting her choose might make her retreat from her daring dream of defiance and make it easier for her to choose the better school. If she does end up at the distant school, she most likely will still do well, she can always transfer if the bf doesn’t last (or flunks out) and AT LEAST she won’t blame you for her situation - in fact she might grant your opinions more weight when her next major life-decision rolls around.

I think if she were going to be amenable to following your wishes without a power struggle she would not have gone down the path already trod, of proposing to go to the distant school. I think she’s kind of committed to struggling against you about this, and your only chance is to remove yourself from the battle. At that point, she really has to do some thinking about what’s best for her, and some blossoming maturity might prevail. And if not, it might still work out with the bf, and having your support and involvement in her life will help.