Picking College Via Boyfriend?

blossom
Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:33:24 +0000

To the OP- (with renewed wisdom now that my kids are done with college):

Here’s what’s in your control- whether to pay her car insurance, give her gas money, indeed, buy her a car. Paying her tuition and room/board fees. Maintaining ground rules when she’s living under your roof either now or when she’s on break (things like go buy milk if you’re the one to use it up; don’t leave wet towels on the bathroom floor, etc.)

Here’s what you can’t control- who she dates, how frequently she sees her BF or even her GF’s; what she majors in and whether or not she makes appropriate deadlines for special majors, scholarships, fellowship opportunities, etc. If she runs out of shampoo or needs a bathmat or doesn’t have clean underwear you can’t control or fix that… she’s going to learn about the Walmart and Target websites and about how to buy essentials and do her chores once she’s out under her own roof.

To me, the discussion of distance is pretty academic and most likely a red-herring for a lot of other issues. Since you can’t control how she spends her free time, does it matter that she’s close to home or far away? You’ll see her when you see her. Since I don’t envision you doing her laundry and stocking her toiletries every couple of days, does it matter where it is that she’s learning about the joys of detergent and having lots of quarters???

If the price differential of all the colleges isn’t important to you, and if she originally had valid academic reasons for being interested in these schools, then you are going to drive her straight to the sub-par BF if you keep trying to control where she ends up. Kid is much too smart to think that you want her close to home so you can teach her how to use bleach on stains… she knows it’s to keep her 6 hours from the BF. And in that category of things you can’t control… where this kid ends up going to college, if he becomes a drop-out or a Rhodes scholar… also not under your control.

These relationships stale faster than a day old bagel once the kids get to a big college, walk into a dining hall on a Tuesday night, and see more eligible dating partners than they’ve seen in their entire HS career. BF will be history soon enough, why ruin your relationship with your daughter trying to make it sour sooner rather than in October???