Pitt. vs other schools

bluedevilmike
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 16:36:46 +0000

hahaha – the following is a true story.



I was 18 years old at the UC Berkeley high school debate tournament. Our “codes” are based on our high schools – so, for example, I was “CPS A,” my teammate was “CPS B,” etc.

As CPS A, I walked over to my round. Rounds at Berkeley are notoriously late, so I sat down and began doing the homework that my insane Spanish teacher had assigned the week before – apparently she was trying to bring out our creativity or … something. My opponent, Miami Palmetto B, came by a few minutes later. While still waiting for our judge, I continued with my homework.



MPB: “So… what’re you doing?”
Me: “I’m doing homework.”
I
*
MPB: “… that looks like interesting homework. What are you doing?”
Me: “I’m coloring.”

I*

MPB: “So, what class is that for?”

At this point, I decide to have some fun with him.

Me: (nonchalant) “It’s for coloring class.”
MPB: “Oh, that’s nice.”
I*

MPB: “What kind of classes do you normally take?”
Me: “Oh, coloring is the big one. But we also take things like conversation, tying shoelaces, naps, that sort of thing.”
MPB: “Oh, that’s interesting.”
I*

MPB: “… what’s your school like?”
Me: “Well, it’s a little weird.”
MPB: “Oh, really?” He does his best to sound surprised.
Me: “Yup. We only take 14 years olds who have already passed 6 AP exams.”
MPB: “… oh.”
Me: “Yeah, but once they get there, we assume they have no social skills whatsoever. So we spend four years trying to train them to be normal human beings. And part of that includes reliving your lost childhood.”
MPB: “Oh. I guess they’re doing… a pretty good job?” (He clearly means it as a compliment, but it is not necessarily a strong one.)
Me: “Thanks.”
I

At this point, my classmate CPS-C walks past. He hasn’t been listening in, we haven’t coordinated this – but apparently CPSC and I have pretty similar senses of humor.*

Me: “Hey, Alex – what’s your favorite class?”
**Alex **doesn’t miss a beat. “Trains.” MP-B’s eyes get wide. “Yeah, we take those little Brio trains and we make tracks and push them around. It’s fun.”
Me: “I though you weren’t doing very well, though,” I say.
Alex: “I’m not!” (distressed) “And if I fail, they’re going to send me back and I’ll have to repeat Duplo class!”
MPB: “Um,” he asks timidly, “what’s your least favorite class?”
Alex: “Conversation! It’s so hard!”
Me: “I know! They tell you to talk, but they won’t let you talk about easy things!”
Alex: “No Star Wars, no Fermat’s Last Theorem, no using Latin… it’s so hard!”
Me: “Yeah! They make us talk about sports, and the weather, and pop music! At least let us talk about Brahms! But no! It has to be Britney or Christina!”
**Alex **turns back to MPB: “Yeah, we’re both getting D’s in that class, but I think it’ll be okay. I had to spend a whole month learning the alphabet song last year.”

I*

MPB: “… what’s the name of your school? I saw on the post that you go to CPS…”

Alex and I look at each other. **Me: **“It’s the Coloring Practice School.”