Please check w/ my essay

woami
Tue, 05 Aug 2008 16:25:41 +0000

I don’t know about everyone else, but I think that if you want to address the reader, you should address him/her throughout the essay and not in just 1 sentence.

I agree with the other posters; elaborate on the things that Bush and Nixon did that were so evil. You don’t need to write “George W. Bush, the present one”, instead just write George Bush jr. Both Nixon and Bush did negative things. Maybe you would want to contrast a good president with a bad president in order to further strengthen your argument that profession does not determine character and moral fiber.

It feels to me that you threw in the example about batman and the scarecrow just so you could have an example. The paragraph, in my opinion, does not talk more in depth about batman and the scarecrow, but instead, goes off on a tangent about “Lawyers, doctors, football players or even drivers and sweepers.” The last sentence of that paragraph should have been a part of your conclusion.

“To encapsulate” doesn’t really strike me as an ending tone. You can either leave that out, or replace it with “In conclusion”

“There is no book to judge, especially on the spiritual side.”
I don’t really understand the meaning of the sentence.

Sorry if I seem a bit harsh; I didn’t really focus on what you did do well (Your introduction’s really good and the general idea is solid).