Please Grade My Essay

brijetz17
Fri, 31 Jul 2015 20:43:04 +0000

I would say about a 4. Your at a disadvantage, unfortunately, because you didn’t finish it.

A few misplaced commas.

2nd paragraph-don’t say you read a study. Instead say that this study showed…
Also you need a transition into the idea that 85% were overweight. You went from talking about a survey about what kids do in their free time, to saying that these kids were overweight without clearly differentiating.

Nice thesis and you had 3 solid examples.