Please grade my essay!

neoking
Tue, 01 Sep 2015 21:48:44 +0000

After working on CR and M for a while and improving in those sections, I realized that I needed to get this writing section down before October 3. My essays are going to be sloppy, but I just need feedback on where I am right now.

Prompt: Is success the result of effort or luck?

Success is a direct product of effort because large amounts of effort and hard-work increase the chance of success. Several examples from historical figures, innovators, and online celebrities prove that success is a natural by-product of effort.

As demonstrated by Carnegie’s extreme wealth during the late nineteenth century, one can see that hard work contributes to greater chances of success. Carnegie was born to a relatively poor family and aided another successful man. Although his job as a mail-courier was simple, Carnegie did so well at it that his boss allowed him to receive higher and higher positions. Eventually, Carnegie worked very hard at creating impressive engineering feats and became a renowned American businessman. Thus, as shown by the success achieved by Carnegie as a result of the effort he put into his early, life, success merely comes when effort is given. Had Carnegie only worked his without effort, opportunities would not have come his way.

Creator of the acclaimed technological company, Steve Jobs is a primary example that shows that effort leads to success. Jobs was a young man who had deep personal interest in technology. Unlike others who had the same interest during his era, Jobs took the initiative and began working on computer parts. Jobs soon invested tons of time and money into his newly formed company, Apple, which eventually skyrocketed because of its high quality products designed by Jobs. Hence, similar to Job’s life and career, success arrives after has been put forth. Without effort, all that would be left is wishful thinking.

In light of the growing popularity of the internet, several online stars have made noise. One such star is Matt Woodworth, who created a YouTube channel of over one million subscribers and a video game server that’s one of the largest in the world. Before Matt’s success, however, he was a high school graduate who realized that he wasn’t going to be successful because he had neglected his studies. Matt decided to do a 360 and start night schooling while working to provide for his family in the daytime. Although Matt did not receive much rest, his education paid off as he was able to land a six-figure programming career. Furthermore, he created an online presence by continually working hard to entertain his audience. As demonstrated by Matt’s success, luck was not involved in his path to success; rather, Matt took to initiative to put forth extreme amounts of effort that led to his successful career.

After a careful analysis of the careers of Carnegie, Jobs, and Matt Woodworth, one can see that success is, indeed, a result of hard work and effort because of effort’s contribution to success. Without effort, no work is done. And as demonstrated by natural sciences, no work gives no output.

END

Just realized how much repetition I have in my essay
Anyways, I appreciate any constructive criticism that comes my way. Thank you!