Please help and grade my essay!

ratmkino
Sun, 10 Jun 2012 08:43:47 +0000

You need to work on transitions a bit. Between the first and second body paragraphs you seem to simply
digress into an entirely new topic. The “in addition” clause does little to prevent this interruption. Use something like “likewise”. Otherwise, it sounds like you’re reading off of a grocery list. However, if this essay were for the SAT, and were completed in 25 minutes by hand, then I would certainly give it a 6/6. But if this were a persuasive essay for English, maybe a low A. There are some noticeable grammatical and structural errors.