Please help and grade my essay!

nelkypie
Mon, 11 Jun 2012 19:06:07 +0000

This is a good essay marred by some grammatical errors. A few examples:

“With many strict laws, such as the quartering act where citizens had to provide food and board to British soldiers, and taxes.” This is a fragment.
“As with many great wars or even life’s tribulations, it’s the insignificant minute deatails that lead to them.” Awkward construction due to the use of the word “them,” which is a vague modifier.
“Throughout history, there have been destruction of empires and wars which have all begun with small events.” You should have used “has.”
“To begin with, the American Revolution did not simply begin with a shot of a bullet, but a series of events that allowed the citizens to realize that they’ve had enough.” Omit the first “with” and add it back between “a” and “series.”
There are more of the same sort peppered throughout your essay.

Additionally, you used some poor word choice in your introduction that left me confused for most of your essay. You start off by saying “As with many great wars or even life’s tribulations, it’s the insignificant minute deatails that lead to them. Throughout history, there have been destruction of empires and wars which have all begun with small events,” which lead me to assume that your thesis would essentially be “Yes, catastrophes are caused by small events.” However, your thesis was “No, catastrophes are not triggered by small happenings but rather the buildup of many events.” Your body paragraphs supported your thesis well, but I was still left confused by the disjointed intro.

All in all, this is a solid SAT essay. I’d say it’s either a four or a five, so your total score is between an 8 and a 10. For the perfect twelve, work on your grammar and make sure your ideas are presented more clearly.

Also, ignore the people who are judging your essay for its historical accuracy. The SAT graders do not take points off for such minutia.