please help me score my SAT essay

mofei4yaoyao
Wed, 27 Jul 2011 23:48:18 +0000

this is kinda of my first try. so please help me score. thx

In today’s fast growing society, the only way to protect one’s voice or position is to be unswerving in his/her ideas, opinions or behaviors. Otherwise, one’s statement may just analogous to a fragile raft drifting in a deadly storm, lack of longevity and reinforcement. Both Florence Nightingale and Lady Gaga are strong-minded women who support this thesis fully.

Born in a wealthy, well-connected British family, Nightingale exhibited resolution to enter the nursing field, which is inconsistent with what her family had planned for her. In 1845, in spite of the strong opposition from her family, Nightingale went to Germany to educate herself nursing skills. Moreover, Nightingale had to work hard and strive to earn herself a living due to the fact that her family had cut the financial support for her to punish her rebellion. Despite all the unsupportive voices and misunderstandings gutted around her, Nightingale neither gave up her position nor stopped pursuing her mission. By doing so, Nightingale made great contributing to the Crimean War by improving the sanitary conditions thus decreasing the morality rate from 42.7% to 2.2% within six months after her arrival. Nightingale set a good example of her perseverance, refusal to conformity and diligence. Had Nightingale hold on to her own ideas, she would not have became a notability or spawned critical influence on modern nursing field.

Lady Gaga, similar to Nightingale, is somewhat more outrageous albeit effective with her way to protect her perspectives. Often evaluated as “maverick” and “unorthodox”, American singer Lady Gaga once again astonished the world at the 2011 Grammy Award when she entered the gate in a gigantic “egg” shaped vessel. Designed for promoting her new album, Born This Way, the vessel was an incarnation of an embryo. Later in her flamboyant performance onstage, Gaga emerged from the incubator in a skin-colored outfit with noticeable protrusions coming out of her face and shoulders. As eerie as Gaga’s every appearance, this Grammy show generated vast judgments from varies aspects. Though majority of the critiques were negative, Gaga continued to behave peculiarly. To critics’ surprises, Gaga’s innovative ways of propaganda draw immense attention to her new album so that it sold 80,000 copies in just several months. Without steady determination on her dream, Gaga would not have became a prominent singer.

In short, individual who has distinctive personality is always on top of the pyramid. Furthermore, the exclusive way to reach the apex is to seize the unique part of your thoughts. Specifically, do not let any critique or adversity distract you from express yourself in your own way.

thx!