Please help to grade my essay

champj
Thu, 26 Feb 2015 10:49:22 +0000

Hi @Lilac2000‌ ,

Maybe you can start a new thread for your essay. More exposure that way. I will share my opinion with you, but I am also an amateur myself, so I hope it helps.

I chanced upon the thread by Academichacker about the SAT essay, maybe you might want to take a look. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-to-write-a-12-essay-in-just-10-days-p1.html

My opinion:

1. Try not to use "I believe", seems like a biased opinion if you do so.

2. I think this is not necessary "If he is the father, then those scientists who were born before him were grandfathers!" Plus, I believe that you should not use punctuation like exclamation mark. The essay is about proving your point in a particular stand rather than transmitting your emotions.

3. The length of your essay is within good range. minimum is about 400+ words. I've checked using microsoft word, you have about 500+.

4. Saw a mistake early in the essay, at the second para "Back in the time before Christ, it as the Greek philosophers... " I think you meant it was rather than it as.

5. Third para: "Even after the discovery...just as we students arrange out notes." I think you meant our rather than out. The next sentence, it should be scientists, rather than scientist.

6. Fourth para: "Later however they learnt a valuable lessons" I think you meant lesson rather than it lessons.

Organization: 5. I think the flow is good. I’m able to read without stopping. Did you use the template by Academichacker? Seems similar to the template. My previous essay have only four paragraphs. Advice from @Woandering‌ was that in order to score better, you should have 5 paragraphs.

Diction: 4. Perhaps more SAT vocab?

Supporting Details: 5. I think your examples are fine as they are. Nothing much to pick on.

Grammar: I shall not comment on this particular section. My grammar aren’t good, so better not confuse you.

Thesis: 4. I think your thesis is good, but you can reinforce it even better in your conclusion. Your conclusion doesn’t seem to connect your examples to the thesis. I suggest that you add, “from the examples cited above…”.

Overall: I think it should be 10 or 11 (without the grammar section)

Do let me know if I made mistakes in my analysis of your essay too. Hope it helps and good luck!