Please proofread my application essay...thanks

handheart24
Thu, 15 Jan 2009 22:09:05 +0000

Hi, I’m a Malaysian student and I’m currently dealing with the admission essay for U of Minnesota. My email is yang2411■■■■■■■■■■■■. I hope to get some comments for my work. =)

In English, describe your educational interests and goals, educational background, special interests, and plans for when you return to your home country. Include any information you would like the Admissions Committee to be aware of, including any extenuating circumstances. You must write this statement yourself without help from others. (Maximum 4000 characters)
It is no longer an uncommon scene where a student in my college sits in front of a laptop all the time. Alright, you might claim that they are busy dealing with something regarding their studies, however, as the fact says it all, most of the time they are having fun with their computer. Well, it is a norm to catch these students busy ‘activating’ the mouse, ‘exercising’ the keyboard and even ‘cleaning’ the microphone. From my point of view, having a certain level of computer knowledge is a great advantage to us in future. My educational interest is merely as simple as ABC; it is all about computer and technology!
No one can deny the fact that computer technology is playing a crucial role in our diurnal activities. I am having a very zealous enthusiasm towards anything pertaining to computer. As I had taken several computer-learning lessons before when I was about twelve years old, I found the internet to be very interesting. No doubt I had a lot of fun in the class, by learning some basic functions of the computer and the internet. While I was taking a course entitled “Introduction to Computer and Information Processing”, I went through an unimaginable tough period which I had to deal with assignments, tutorials and tests simultaneously. However, I had a lot of fun while dealing with a task which I had to create my very own profile website. It was my personal zeal in graphic designing which acted as a motor that drove me towards the accomplishment of the assignment. Eventually I obtained a good grade for that particular assignment and I soon found my determination to be a successful networking developer. Apart from that, I personally wish to be an eminent programmer as well, so that I can contribute to the enhancement of technology in future. Having a very good command of the basic programming skills is very important to anything related to technological improvement. My current dream is just as simple as you can think of. I am wondering if the people in future are able to communicate without talking but just by keeping the messages in mind and they are able to read each other’s thoughts under a limited portal controlled by the involved party. This is cool and I am determined to make it, despite the obstacles and hardship that might arise as I go along this path.
I can still recall the euphoric emotion carved on my face when I realized I was awarded a scholarship granted by the Public Service Department. Thanks pa and ma for bringing me up and pouring unconditional love on me continuously. Not to forget to give a big thank to all my teachers who played an important role in guiding me to be a better person. Had it not been the incessant advices and dedicated guidance, I would not have such luck to get the ever wonderful scholarship which can realize my long anticipated wish to study abroad. Thank god dearly for giving me such a fortune. Thereafter I had been ordered to take an American Degree Transfer Program for two years before pursuing my undergraduate studies in the United States. Previously, I had fulfilled my eleventh grade before studying in a private tertiary institution. My fifth semester has just started and this would be my last semester in the college.
Singing is one of my particular special interests. No other activity can outweigh my passion in singing. I feel glad every time when I got a chance to hold a microphone and sing in front of my friends. The feeling would be even greater when I got some compliments from my fellow singing-feverish buddies. At times I tend to watch some singing-competition-reality-show to de-stress myself from the hectic life. No doubt not everyone in this world is born to be a good singer. Even those superb awesome singers with stunning vocals like Mariah Carey and Christina Aguilera need to learn some skills to sing well in order to become a successful and amazing performer on stage. So do I, I will always steal some free time for my informal singing practice, so as to sharpen up my key defining as well as the tempo dynamics.
I have some silly ideas pertaining to the plans when I return to my home country after graduating. Can you imagine the creation of an ‘optical’ laptop? It is a simple device which you can easily setup a monitor screen and a keyboard by merely using the light flared from two digital pens. That is going to create a great commotion among all computer users, as it is smaller in size, more convenient to be carried from one place to another and trendier! Furthermore, I wish to further enhance the current in-used technology in the Multimedia Super Corridor in my nation. Perhaps I can apply to establish a new department to do research and to promote the up-to-date technological knowledge to all nations with due consideration of the environmental-friendly issue simultaneously. I would definitely support ‘Vision 2020’, which is a far-sighted national vision set by our nation’s leader to achieve full excellence in every sector and ensure quality life for all citizens. That would certainly enhance our efforts to help up for the sake of my country’s development.

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