please read and give me some feedback please.

perfectpixie
Sat, 13 Nov 2010 14:32:27 +0000

It is not a good idea to post essays on public forums. There are guidelines on this.

Your essay tells a good interesting story but I think it can be told in a lot shorter amount of words.
Brevity does the trick.

I like the puffy dress part. Puts something to grasp upon.