Please Read my common app essay.Need feedback

Jarch718
Fri, 30 Aug 2013 14:04:30 +0000

I used prompt 1…this is just a rough draft .Please critique

Im sorry ma’am but your daughter has been diagnosed with Erb’s Palsy.”
The words my own mother had to hear on <date removed=“”>. Erbs palsy or
brachial plexus is a paralysis in the arm caused by injury to the
nerves. It is commonly caused due to medical malpractice and constant
pulling on a child’s head during birth. It can go away, but in my case
it has been part of my life for the past 17 years. Erb’s Palsy
affects me in my left arm, making it hard for me to do daily
activities like doing my hair. Years of physical therapy and
rehabilitation could not “fix” my condition. Many people look at me
as if I have a disability and often take pity on me because it takes a
little more effort for me to do simple tasks. Erb’s Palsy is a part
of me; however, it does not define who I am as a person. It is merely
something that makes me special and different from others. In
September 2011, I joined my high school track team. While we run, it
is important to move our arms intensely to gain more speed. I didn’t
think that my left arm would stop me in participating in sports, so I
went ahead and tried out for the team. During practice, one of the
girls came up beside me and said “What happened to your arm?” A
million things went through my mind. I was so ashamed and didn’t want
to tell her the truth. I didn’t think she would understand. “Oh, I
broke it and shattered the bone, it never got better.” I said. Even
now, I still replay this moment in my head. I should not have felt
ashamed to let people know who I really am. Everyone knows me as the
outgoing, funny girl who loves a good joke. What they don’t know is
that I keep my true feelings inside. Never will I ever let someone see
me as vulnerable and a target due to having Erb’s Palsy. Erb’s Palsy
does not get in the way of my physical abilities or my academics. I
have always done fairly well in school and love to read classic
novels. There has never been a time, until recently, where my left
hand had to be utilized. In physics, we learn about the Left Hand
Rule, causing us to turn our hands in certain positions. The
positions strain my hand, wrist, and shoulder. As a student, I am
highly dedicated to my school work. No matter how difficult the
subject, I make sure to try my best because education is the most
important thing for me. Although I may bring home a 70 once in a while
that does not measure my true intelligence. Erb’s Palsy does not slow
me down nor will it ever as I continue to grow into adulthood. My name
is <removed>, I am intelligent, grounded, respectful, and I let
nothing stand in my way of my success.</removed></date>