Please read this someone !! I need help :(

Magykmancer
Sat, 20 Oct 2012 22:09:08 +0000

Here’s my suggestions.

I couldn’t live in sadness forever, my father would want me to make him proud and that is what kept me going and got me where I am today.
This sounds kinda blocky, make it flow more

“As a no kill shelter[comma] rest of the sentence…”
Cast, not casted.
The second half of your first paragraph should flow better, try to link your sentences and use transiton-type stuff.

emotions, without any use of words
Lose the comma

“The more challenges you have in life the more you will grow, and gain knowledge. The death of a parent will change a child forever, but you can’t allow it to break you. Everyone will have his or her own way of grieving and I choose to use this to my advantage.”
Lose the comma in the first sentence and make the second sentence a bit more sensical. You switch between “a child” and “you”, which is a bit confusing. Make the last sentence stronger/more specific, like how your way of greiving helps and what it is.

"running the street[optional comma] and owners "
through, not threw

“This was a very positive change I made for myself because I was very stressed at the time”
make this a bit easier to read and more mature, such as “The selfless and unjudgemental attitude of the shelter helped me work through times of stress” or somesuch.

“It is a reward to be a volunteer[semicolon] you get to see the impact you are making[and the smiles you create].”

yourself, one word

"[comma]because" in your last sentence