Please rip my common app essay apart!

Sci-Fry
Sat, 21 Nov 2009 12:37:11 +0000

Hey,

I’m a Stanford RDer and I was hoping that current Stanfordonians (or whatever the word is) could critique my essay.

I don’t want people to tell me to drastically change the theme of my essay because it is very me. However, some tips on the use of language, wording, tone and the overall effect would be appreciated. If you hate it, then please tell me (and also tell me if you love it - that would be a miracle!). Tell me how you feel after you read it - moved, unmoved, disgusted (uh oh).

My main concern is that my English teachers tell me that I tend to be a bit verbose when writing. I don’t want to come across as being pretentious in my essay, so tell me if I do come across that way.

So, anybody?

Thanks!