Prestige/Expensive vs. Good/Cheap

calmom
Fri, 09 Feb 2007 16:35:53 +0000

I think its important to keep in mind that where the student is able to make their own decision – free from parental pressure – the student is likely to make a decision in accordance with their own instincts and values. So one reason for the satisfaction felt down the line is that the student has gone with the school that best fits their already internalized sense of what is important to them. A kid who values his independence highly, and/or is very cautious about spending money, is likely to strike the balance in favor of saving money, probably going to be much happier taking the full ride scholarship – and may struggle with a sense of guilt if the more expensive route is chosen.

On the other hand, the kid who more highly regards perceived quality in education; or who is very ambitious; or who is motivated by prestige; or who is highly competitive and wants what he sees as the “best”, might be very unhappy if he has the sense that he has had to settle for less because of finances – he is more likely to opt for the college he perceives as better or more demanding, and feel that anything less is letting himself and his parents down. So whereas one kid has a sense of pride in saving money - the other derives pride in the sense of accomplishment of attending the prized school.

Of course, we raised our own kids, so it is very likely that they share our values – but the point is, the feelings at the end of the process probably reflect the feelings at the beginning, and families should not feel pressured by what others think they ought to do.

I would note that all is not black-and-white. Whether shared or not, kids going either route are likely to have mixed feelings. My kids have found that at the elite schools, there is some tension between their own need to economize and live on their own earnings, vs. the lifestyle and habit of the very large number of kids from very privileged backgrounds at those schools – and I think while they have found the elite academics extremely rewarding, the adjustment to campus life and overall social fit has been a lot more tenuous. So I do think that one factor to be added to the mix is a consideration of issues like campus diversity and social environment – even if the kid goes for a more expensive college, that might help in choosing which one. (For example, my daughter is probably better off in an urban environment where there are other less upscale colleges around – I don’t think it’s an accident that while she is at Barnard, she has become close to friends attending colleges like CUNY).