Prolonging Living or Prolonging Dying?

esobay
Mon, 08 Aug 2016 20:45:34 +0000

teriwtt, that removal from hospice is exactly what just happened with my Mom. Last (2015) Aug she was in the hospital being unresponsive and they said, get here quick. She responded when my brother and I arrived and was back in AL. but I was able to put her on hospice so there wouldn’t be more hospital trips. Now she is better and just got off hospice.

I am sure I have whined all along, but for new readers, here is something of my Mom’s journey.
Started in 2014
Dementia, lived alone at least one year too long, financial abuse by handyman. She convinced herself and some Dr to do knee replacement surgery, and while at skilled nursing/rehab, it became really obvious she wasn’t going home alone. Tricked her into the independent side of the AL place saying she would go home when her leg was better… and got her outside aide to monitor her pills. Moved her to assisted side, where there was more watching and a med aide for pills. She was there almost two full years. Fell and broke her arm badly, but it healed. Several UIT’s that I diagnosed on the phone with her, and called the nurse to check. A few runs to the hospital with “heart troubles”. (I think they were anxiety attacks). She had a UTI at her birthday last (2015) July and was about unable to speak and had lost a lot of weight. All the grandkids came for the party and left thinking she’d be gone in weeks.
I hired extra caregivers on top of the AL place to make sure she went to meals and ate and in Feb this year I moved her to the Memory Care associated with where she lived. As I said, got hospice just before that move. THIS July she has gained weight, can almost follow a conversation and isn’t having as MUCH trouble finding words as she did last six months. I think the Memory Care has made a huge difference.
However, there are days I feel badly for her that year ago Aug when they said she was going to die and she was not on any meds, but they also said they could stop the IV/water. We didn’t go for that and we offered her drinks when she responded. If we had just stopped the IV and water, she wouldn’t have had this last year. This last year she fell 5 or six times, once badly enough for a concussion and five staples in her head. Didn’t break anything though. Fell hit her head another time and half her face was black and blue. Is now incontinent all the time and in a wheel chair. Has “snippy little girls” telling her what to wear and ruining her clothes in the laundry. Has days she forgets how to walk, talk, and swallow (they sweep her mouth because she chews, but doesn’t swallow. Then they give her an Ensure to sip in a straw, that usually is swallowed. But she has days like yesterday when she could say that the crazy lady at the end of the table was making noise again. She has seen pictures of her new great grandson (although never the real thing) and she doesn’t know who the picture is anymore. I’ve discussed with my DH and my BFF that honestly I would have left the IV off knowing the outcome, but it is hard. And I don’t think my brother was there, then.
Now I think he is there as he hasn’t been to see her since IDK when, before Mother’s Day (didn’t see her) and didn’t see her for her birthday. He lives just as far away as I do, although I’m retired and he isn’t so it IS a lot easier for me to get there. I still think he should have gone in May or July.