Race to Nowhere

performersmom
Tue, 03 May 2011 15:03:42 +0000

Those are good points, Erlanger.
My sense that my D at local private needed A LOT more of the home stuff than the my current BS D does, which is why they went to their respective schools.
But my point is that the pressure is everywhere.
And my BS D really would not benefit all that much from the home stuff- probably only at acute times. We are definitely in such an acute time this spring, and she is suffering, no question (but probably every single Junior at a high achievement school is having a rough time right now). But I honestly cannot be sure it would be any better for her to be at home. My hugs, nice dinners, love, encouragement, humor, and the away-ness of home do not remove the pressures for some. They feel it anywhere, even from us parents!! FYI we visit her every 2-3 weekends for meals out and a break. She even stays in our hotel room if she wishes, but that happens very very rarely.
This D finds the presence of her peers all around to actually be more comforting than dealing with us! I respect her need for peer company, and her desire to plan and manage her own life. She knows where we stand on things like hard work and breaking rules. She knows that going to BS is a “treat” that shows we trust her, and she has to live up to that trust, but in her own way.
I am going into details because it may be interesting to other parents considering sending their child to BS. Think carefully about the kid. About why he/she wants to go. How it will work for them and for you to have them away. Look carefully at how the actual BS operates. Compare the BS with the package of options available at home, including the kid’s attitude to staying home.
Think about how independent the child is and also how they handle pressure and rejection. How much you trust them. How responsible they are about communicating with you and being honest.
Consider whether an independent life-style will enhance your child’s growth or hinder it.
Yes it can be risky, no question. The rewards can be very high, too.