Race to Nowhere

erlanger
Mon, 02 May 2011 23:54:58 +0000

I also have a D at BS and a second one in very competitive local private school. I do not agree the pressures are the same or equa. Although they were different kids with different needs–hence the different paths we choose, I have found the pressure at BS is different and more acute for D away at school. Why-- 1) there’s not getting away from it–it’s at dinner, in the dorms, in the library, etc. My other child gets to come home at night and tune in or out as she wants. 2) BS students tend to be more high achieving and capable even though our day school students are driven too–it’s hard to not feel the heat when you are surrounded by other uber-students. 3) IMPORTANT one–my D at BS can’t get a hug from her parents (Obviously) but worse, doesn’t have the same opportunity to blow off steam. Through the ages, teens have used their parents to press limits/push limits and yell/carry on etc. While parents may think it is wonderfully clever to have less of this w/their BS kid away, I think it ADDS pressure and stress to our teen to have to be behaved, tread lightly, avoid the pitfalls, etc.–all of which my D does well–at this age without the unshakable love of parents no matter how she behave. Think about how hard that can be on top of everything else expected of her.