Race to Nowhere

performersmom
Mon, 02 May 2011 20:04:59 +0000

erlanger,
I do not see a bit of difference in the amount of stress on my two daughters, one at a local private HS and one at a top BS. Same pressures. Same issues.
The whole race to college culture is everywhere, and is probably more prevalent at all private (local and boarding) schools, where the average/overall resources are less limited, allowing things to get really over the top.
We believed our older D would be better off at home for high school, and we believed our younger daughter would benefit from finding her way through all this on her own- at home, she would have suffocated. Two very different kids needed different environments to deal with basically same high pressure culture.
BS is definitely an option considered more rarely, and largely misunderstood. But it can be an appropriate one. D2 “owns” everything she has done, good or bad. She is growing because she has managed her own time, and structured her activities herself, and has to learn from her own mistakes. Yes, it is less supportive, but that is what was better for her in order to continue to grow. Sure, she could have stayed home (if we had forced her to!) and gone to the same school as her older sister. She might have even gone to a better college than she would from BS, where the competition for a few slots is fierce. BUT she would not have grown as much.
I am not rationalizing. I am explaining that my kids’ needs were different and we considered the BS option for each, and found that it made sense for D2.
Yes, there is pressure at BS, and maybe more than at most public HS. But not more than at our local private High SchoolS.
You cannot generalize about all kids, or even know what each families’ options are like.
BS does have a place for some. And not all BS are the same. Some are much more supportive and structured than others.
Ideally, we need to review the options available to our kids and find what fits them. I do not think there is really a way to avoid the stress or pressure up to a certain point.

I just wish that there was less pressure and insanity EVERYWHERE! That seems to be the issue to be examined.

I also think the Common App is a huge problem. It is largely responsible for the huge number of applications being thrown at colleges. Maybe we should limit the number of colleges each kid can apply to…
I am also disappointed at the nature of the Common App- it is very dull, and provides very little opportunity for an applicant to show herself as an individual. Not very holistic, to me, anyway.

I know you all love your kids. You just have to do what you think is best for each one.
Perhaps the producer of Race to Nowhere is actually atoning for her own sins a bit by making the movie. Still, it seems disingenuous to me that she did not describe the experiences she lived though while her kids ere going though Lower and Middle School.
Anyway, it sticks in my own craw.
I would like some sincere efforts at getting to this problem. It is not just about too much homework, or too much busywork, or too much pressure, or teaching to the test, or too many outside activities, or not enough down-time. What is causing all this? THAT is the question.