Raise kids the Asian way

fbc001
Sun, 23 Oct 2005 12:33:29 +0000

NYT readers’ letters about the original article/book:
(http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/23/fashion/sundaystyles/23LETTERS.html?pagewanted=all)

Unrealistic Stereotypes

To the Editor:

Re “Item: Sisters Think Parents Did O.K.” (Oct. 9):

The Kim sisters believe that strict households and associating failure with family dishonor is the best way to raise a successful child. Taking this position, they do a disservice to the Asian community by perpetuating the model minority myth that all Asians are successful and over-achievers. The results reported provide an image of success that is only skin deep.

By stressing the model minority myth, we are placing undue academic, social and emotional burdens on youth and further supporting unrealistic stereotypes.

RUCHIKA BAJAJ
New York

The writer is the mental health policy and program coordinator of the Coalition for Asian American Children and Families.

Success and Happiness

To the Editor:

I agree wholeheartedly with the Kims’ views about America’s overindulgence of its children and the need for American parents to limit popular culture and push their children much harder to achieve success. But the emphasis on the Asian approach advocated by the Kims may be equally harmful to children.

In my psychology practice I see children of Asian descent who are very high achievers yet profoundly unhappy, perfectionists who are driven to succeed yet have a profound fear of failure.

What most American and Asian parents don’t realize is that it’s possible to raise children who are both successful and happy.

JIM TAYLOR
San Francisco
The writer is the author of “Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child” (Hyperion, 2003).

The Down Side

To the Editor:

By publishing “Top of the Class: How Asian Parents Raise High Achievers - and How You Can Too,” Dr. Soo Kim Abboud and Jane Kim and Berkley Books exploitatively and dangerously propagate the stereotype that behind the Asian mystique lies secrets of successful child rearing.

The childless Kim sisters, both of whom profess no experience in child development other than being born Asian, ignore many facts, like high dropout rates (in many Southeast Asian communities), high crime rates and parents who work 12-to-16-hour days and are unable to see their children. They also ignore the unusually high suicide rates among Asian-Pacific Americans between the ages of 15 and 24.

Perhaps the Kims could offer advice to these populations. Good parenthood skills transcend ethnicity. And good books should transcend stereotyping.

KEN YU
Forest Hills, Queens

Not Open to Negotiation

To the Editor:

In your profile of Dr. Soo Kim Abboud and Jane Kim, Dr. Abboud complains that “Too many parents now are into positive reinforcement for everything,” yet her own parents used candy bars as bribes to get the sisters to read library books. Children from all cultures are better off learning early that reading books, getting good grades and making one’s bed are not open to negotiation and will never involve rate cards or special rewards.

CHRISTEL HYDEN
Brooklyn

Dividing Minorities

To the Editor:

Just when I thought Asian-Americans were breaking out of the model-minority box, a book arrives to put us back in our pigeonhole. The sinister aspect of the article and a book about Asian success is that they send a clear message to other minorities who haven’t made it: If Asian-Americans can succeed through hard work and sacrifice, why can’t you?

Pitting Asian-Americans against other minorities is an old tactic, and perhaps the authors of the book and article need a refresher course in Ethnic Studies 101.

SUN KIM
San Francisco