Rate my college essay??

StudentTransfer
Tue, 23 Jul 2013 20:52:19 +0000

It’s a good concept you have, but I see some basic punctuation problems within the written text. If you go back and read over it, you’ll notice you have A LOT of random commas in the middle of your sentences.

Example: "Wise, educated, and filled with a kind heart, my wonderful teacher, Mrs. Archer, had informed me, “You would become a great math teacher one day! But trust me, you don’t want to be one, it doesn’t pay well”.

The commas in this sentence make it sound awkward. You have a comma almost every word it seems like. The sentence seems to run on too.

How I would redo this sentence:

My wonderful teacher Mrs. Archer was well educated, wise and filled with a kind heart. She approached my desk and spoke in that caring tone I had become so accustomed to. “You would become a great math teacher one day! But trust me, you don’t want to be one, it doesn’t pay well.”

Overall I would reread your essay if I were you, and try to make your language flow better as well as make it easier for the reader to absorb. Like I said before, your concept is good but you would just need to touch it up a bit.

Good luck.