Read my UC prompt 1 response

bomerr
Sat, 30 Nov 2013 00:07:08 +0000

Your writing style is weak. Your sentences are too long. Your thoughts aren’t well organized. You add in useless words and phrases.

Putting stuff like hatred for parents is a HUGE RED FLAG. You have a whole paragraph about your dad working, this is a person statement about you, not your father. Then you completely stop talking about being homeless and move to talking about a pharmacy and wanting a career as a pharmacist. Your final paragraph makes no sense at all “it has has given me personal wealth that surpasses any possessions I could ever own.” How so?

Overall you really need to work on figuring out what you actually want to say and then saying that in the most efficient way.