Read my UC prompt 1 response

eggopop
Fri, 29 Nov 2013 18:19:20 +0000

-Missing some commas here and there. Some sentences are very long, so I suggest fragmenting them.
-“for my family and me”. I don’t think “I” is the right pronoun to use there. (i.e. provide for me vs provide for I; the latter doesnt make much sense)
-Consider revising first sentence of last paragraph. (consider: I … to face such adversity)
-Apparently UCs are strict with prompts; until the last paragraph, I thought you were applying for a business-related degree. I’m not sure if there is a clear “theme” or a unifying message in the writing.

+Well written, save a few grammatical errors.
+I thought it was quite captivating.