Roommate "found someone better" and moved out. What can we do?

baktrax
Fri, 19 Sep 2014 16:45:10 +0000

I don’t understand the reactions either. I don’t have any medical problems and have graduated college, but my parents also have a peace of mind knowing that I’m living with roommates, because in case anything were to happen to me, I’d have someone there who could help me. Similarly, it makes me feel better that my parents aren’t living by themselves. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, I’d do my best to help if any of my roommates, or anyone around me, were having some type of emergency medical troubles.



I think many people (myself included) are considering what the practical situation would look like. There’s a difference between having a vague feeling of reassurance that your relative is around someone else “just in case”, and specifically planning on having a roommate that is close enough to your relative to be able to quickly identify an emergency situation. The OP listed specific situations that could happen and implied that having a roommate there would make them feel more reassured and my immediate question was why? I can understand having just a gut feeling of being reassured, but I’m a logical thinker and immediately started considering what the situation would look like. Maybe I’m severely underestimating college freshmen, but I don’t have a lot of faith in someone unfamiliar with type 1 diabetes to be able to recognize the difference between a coma and being asleep, to be attentive enough to recognize signs of a low, or to be confident enough to act on it without assuming that everything’s probably fine. And I don’t have a lot of faitb that quick action would be taken even if the roommate eventually decides that something’s not right.

OP-
There were times when I went several days without seeing my college roommate without either of us telling each other where we were. If I saw my roommate lying in bed in the middle of the day, I would never think that anything was wrong. And even if they did, his roommate may not even see it until it’s too late and it may take much more time for him to recognize that he should probably get help. Even moreso considering your brother didn’t even tell him about it. I just don’t think it’ll make a significant difference whether he has a roommate or not, and presumably he is going to have to live on his own at some point. He might not always have someone with him.

I was never implying that you expected a caretake for your brother 24/7. But it definitely sounded like (and still sounds like), that having a roommate was definitely part of your plan, and I personally don’t think it was something that you could have (as you learned) ever counted on and provisions should have been put in place assuming that the 18-year-old stranger he was placed with would not be dependable to take immediate or appropriate actions. And the fact that your brother brought this up when requestinf a new roommate, it certainly sounds like he thought others would share this expectation.

It’s not being cold towards your brother. He sounds like a great kid who’s doing well. And it sounds like you care a lot about him and his health. If anything, I’m being cold towards college freshmen, but I just don’t have a lot of faith in them, especially concerning a random stranger they just met and know nothing about.