Screwed up.. how to explain this to my parents

starbright
Sat, 10 Apr 2010 12:53:30 +0000

i know ive been lazy, but i eventually get the work done in time



If you have so far gotten good grades to get into a school you and your family are happy with, you have always procrastinated but always managed to pull it off, I’m not sure I really see what the problem is.

I know this does not really answer your immediate problem but the reality is people work in very different ways. If you are able to wait to the last minute, or negotiate new deadlines for yourself ( or whatever you do, aside from something unethical), and yet pull of the grades you want and need, it’s not lazy, it’s smart. It’s not HOW you work but the OUTCOMES of how you work that matters. Your parents have one style (probably because they are anxious types), and you have another (because you need a deadline to get the same sense of urgency to meet your goals).

You may be able to keep this up in college or maybe not. I imagine you might flounder a bit at the outset with trial and error until you figure out just what you can get away with. So long as you are getting the grades you seek, there is not a problem. I have some brilliant students who have a stupendous social life, wing things a lot, and still produce amazing output. Likewise I have students that spend huge amounts of time ‘studying’ but really are not efficient or have misplaced priorities with their work, and do not necessarily do any better. Some of the students that have seriously honed their ability to wing it in HS do far better than the ‘perfectionistic’ students in HS because often in college you can’t possible DO everything asked of you anyway-- you need to be comfortable prioritizing, cutting corners, sometimes doing things at the last minute.

You parents are rightfully worried that you might screw up…but you have not yet. Parents of all stripes tend to worry sometimes (though I frankly can’t relate to their worry here, parental worry about something seems to be universal). Their anxiety- and what they see as you causing their anxiety- is why they are upset.

If your goal is to make them feel a bit better so you can not worry about them worrying, maybe these things would help:


Apologize for putting them in this bad feeling situation.
Convey to them how bad you feel (you really do seem remorseful in your post, so it should be easy enough; you see the light of day now and absolutely swear things are different from here on in and go into detail-- don’t use generalities, but be specific because that makes it more trustworthy and real (and will also help you get moving).
Ask them for help- ask if they can give you ideas about how they overcame the inability to concentration or focus at times in their life: so start brainstorming solutions to the problem together (it might remind them that everyone has this sometimes and also that you are serious about fixing it)
Remind them that while this is not an excuse, you promise that won’t let them down just has you have not/never/seldom done so before: remind them of past similar conflicts and how it turned out (if this has happened before). Be careful here of course in how this comes out but the point is you aren’t making excuses, but trying to reassure them.


^Now frankly I think it’s out of proportion for them to be all freaked out here, but given they are angry and you are upset about displeasing them, these are my suggestions.