Severe depression in college

Mischief_Managed
Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:08:35 +0000

A little Advice
First of all…thank you for the stories…it made me want to post mine

so i dont know what to do anymore…and im looking for a little bit of advice…

I graduated H.S in 07 and went straight to Truman State in the fall. It was amazing at first…but secretly i began to hate it…i hated my teachers…i hated my roommate…and i hated the town. I suffer from chronic depression so my studies started to drop. I went to the counseling services and it helped a little…but i kept slipping deeper. i didnt go to class and i failed everything. I developed an eating disorder and decided before midterms to transfer back home to seek medical attention.

At home i felt like i was complete failure because i couldnt tough it out. but i desperately wanted to get back to school. So i decided to go to culinary school…in the spring of 08…a repeat of what happened at Truman…kicked in again…and i withdrew.

In the summer of 08…after seeking treatment i felt i was ready to go back to Truman…because i knew if i went back i would get a good degree…and have a better chance at life. So i went to cc to take a summer course and i passed with a B.

In the fall semester of 08…i went back to Truman and was excited to get started in school again…with a fresh new start. But as soon as school started…i started to slip again. I had a another depression spell…and started to slip again. I finally made teh decision to come back home for good and not return to Truman state at spring semester because i realized i had to went to that school for the wrong reasons…mainly cause it was cheap and my mom was proud i went to a good school

So as a result…i failed all of my classes in the fall semester…which was expected because if u dont go to class…how can u pass.

So as of this moment…i am going to cc to get my gens done and transfer to UMSL for theater and english education. I decided to pursue theater education or something that i love because i was going to college for something i didnt want to do…and to get help mentally…im scared that i made the choice because im afraid to do something that i love for that i wont succeed or make any money. Over the past 3 years i have transferred from college to home to seek help for my depression…i regret alot of things…i almost stayed away from home…because i thought happiness didnt matter…and i was just gonna stick it out…but my depression was too much for me. I want to feel i did the right thing…but im constantly feeling guilty…i just hate how ive let my time in college slip by…i just want to be successful…and im scared i wont make it. I should be a junior in the fall of 09…but im still a freshman credit wise…and its killing me…it makes me feel like a disappointment

im just kinda lost…and just expressing it…helps me clear my thoughts a bit