Short Story- rate please?

marite
Fri, 26 Nov 2004 15:39:28 +0000

Actually, the bit about the stutter caught me a bit off-guard. I had to go re-read his attempt to talk to his mother to realize you meant he had a stutter, rather than a different way of speaking than a “white-blonde boy in the big house.” Not a big thing, though.

Her suddenly stone face. Do you mean stony face? I would suggest “her stony face which was suddenly smooth-looking. Had he aged her so much before?”. She never lied: change to “she had never lied”

Go over your text carefully. There are typos such as Sebatian though (t); gim(m)ick world. Another thing: It might be best to stick to one way of referring to the mother: either, mom, mum, mamma, but not all three. Same with papa and daddy.