Short Story- rate please?

xiggi
Fri, 26 Nov 2004 14:05:29 +0000

No, you should keep the verbs in the past tense. One of the problems is “has felt”, a better choice would be “felt”. I think that is important to be grammatically correct when you use the third-person narrative. In your dialogues, you could have errors to reflect the way the dad and Sebastian spoke.

You may want to rewrite the sentence, “The last week has felt longer than his eight years.” I hate to suggest anything because it is important to preserve your own voice, but “the last week had been the longest of Sebastian’s short eight year life” might read a bit better. I’m sure that you will find an alternative sentence that is even better.

In “His daddy and him were poor”, you have to realize that “Him” is a subject in the same way as “He” in “He and his daddy were poor.”

Read your essay aloud and some of the little errors will jump at you. Good luck.