Should I allow him to take XBOX to college?

MaryGJ
Mon, 24 Apr 2017 08:22:12 +0000

I’m getting a huge chuckle out of so many of these responses. Rage, rage against the dying of parental control! Do not go gently into that good parenting night! LOL.

“If I’m paying for it, I control it!”

Um, no you don’t. Oh, I get that you think you do. And I don’t mean to burst your bubble saying that. And I don’t mean it unsympathetically. It’s just reality. You are no longer in control. Period. I say this as an ex helicopter mommy who learned tough lessons about letting go…thankfully, before I smothered my kid to death or did permanent damage to our close relationship.

Here’s the truth. Your kid can and will do anything they choose to do just as soon as you drive away after dropping them off.

They’ll eat crappy food, stay up all night, play video games, drink underage, go out with friends late on a weeknight, have sex, and all sorts of other things you can’t imagine them doing.

And guess which kids go the most crazy with this rebellion before they finally learn to self regulate with healthy behaviors? The kids who were most tightly controlled by their parents. Children of helicopter parents. They rip off their harnesses of obedience and go freaking crazy (and often overdo it)…because you’ve been so busy controlling their behavior they’ve never had a chance to learn to do it themselves.

Here’s a reality. If they want to play video games…they’ll play video games. If they don’t bring their own console, they’ll go over to a friend’s room and play…or a video game library (yep, colleges have them!).

Or gasp they’ll just switch to an online platform right on their laptop. Who knew?

“They still need guidance.” LOL. That ship has sailed. Long since sailed. “Advice?” Sure. Advice is great…and yes, they need it…and if your relationship is good, they’ll probably even take your advice.

“Parental guidance and decision making”…nope. That’s a thing of the past. Better get used to that.

If they “need guidance” to know that free time activities must be balanced with study obligations…you’re pretty much doomed.

Why? Because your’re no longer there.

They must learn to self-regulate.

If they can’t? You just threw your money away sending them to school.

Use this time to make a mental transition. You no longer have an adult-child relationship with your son/daugher. You now have an adult-adult relationship. Do some thinking about what that means. Take a minute to be proud of your kid’s accomplishments, and have some faith that they will make good choices. Believe in their competence…on their own… without you. Anticipate the growing pains your relationship is about to go through and take special care to maintain respect.

Quit micro-managing. It’s not helping your kid. it’s hurting your future relationship because it conveys that you have no confidence in them.

And hold onto your butts. For some of you, it’s going to be a rough ride.