Should I apply to transfer?

lover13
Thu, 08 Mar 2007 13:18:41 +0000

So during the college process, I had my heart set on going to Brown. I’d only visited it once, but I’d built up in my head the whole idea of the liberal, open-minded, open curriculum, ‘quirky,’ undergraduate focus, small community feel in a mid-size university. I REALLY wanted to go there, so much so that I’d started planning what courses I wanted to take before even applying (this was all very foolish, I know). I applied ED, got deferred and then rejected. In retrospect, I can see why this happened-- I had ok/good grades (3.7 average probably) and a great SAT score (2340), but my extracurriculars lacked passion and my essay, in retrospect, was boring, not well-written enough to make up for such a trite topic, and didn’t show anything special about me.

Needless to say, though, I was extremely upset about this, and I wasn’t very excited about arriving at my current college, Amherst College (my second choice, and the best choice for me out of all the colleges I got into, because for some reason, probably because I didn’t put a lot of thought into the college process except for really wanting to go to Brown, I’d applied to some LACs truly in the middle of nowhere that I’d never even visited and never really planned on going to, as well as to ‘not enough’ reaches according to my mother and some of my friends). However, I ended up liking it here a lot first semester. I also feel extremely fortunate to have gotten in here and to have been able to come here; some amazing applicants didn’t get in, and I really think the only thing that got me in was my supplemental essay. I feel extremely fortunate to be here, too, because I get to experience the joy of learning about whatever I want for three more years, and there are already too many courses that I want to take. Now, though, I’m starting to feel the ‘Amherst bubble’ and feeling a little lonely and sad, and like this place is too dull … and wishing I had gotten into Brown (which I don’t think I thought about at ALL last semester). I didn’t do an overnight anywhere during the college process, so maybe I underestimated how small a liberal arts college really would be and didn’t really think about what sort of environment I wanted.

I know that part of the reason for this is because I’ve been on campus for so long and I’m aching for Spring Break and to go home to bustling New York City and see my family and my other friends and relax; there were many more breaks last semester. I also know it’s because I’m not very involved with stuff on campus right now, but I do plan on getting more involved after Spring Break and in the fall semester. However, I am neither an athlete nor a musical person, which are the two main extracurriculars that are popular at Amherst. Then again, I’m not sure what exactly my extracurricular interests are or what kind of person I am; I feel like, for much of high school, I was too afraid to join things and talk to people that I thought were interesting, which I regret deeply. And I want to get into shape and learn how to sing, so who knows, I might join one or both of such activities in the fall. Oh and also it’s because I’ve been secluding myself from my friends in an effort to focus more on my schoolwork… but I’ve just gotten lonely and not been able to concentrate on my homework and started thinking what ifs (what if my counselor had told me that my essay sucked, what if I hadn’t procrastinated with the college process, what if I had thought realistically about college since the beginning of high school, etc.) and I feel like I’ve just been digging myself deeper and deeper into this mental hell. I can’t just blame this on Amherst, though, because it’s my own (sucky) tendency to look to the past that’s causing this.

But right now, I’m not very excited at the prospect of being on the Amherst campus or the idea of being an Amherst alum three years from now. While I have made a great, eclectic combination of friends, I feel like much of the student body is a little bit too preppy for my tastes. Then again, maybe it’s me projecting my uneasiness with the WASP culture onto them and letting the prevailing image of what Amherst is (which isn’t really true) get to me. Maybe it’s just that I don’t know what I want and who I am, and Brown will simply have more options and more people for me to explore that with. Also, there are more people of my ethnicity/racial background at Brown (simply because it’s bigger), and while it’s not something hugely important to me (because I can get along with most people, and because I’m fairly secure in my ethnic/racial identity, and because I’m afraid I might get stuck in the minority hole there, whereas I’m friends with people from so many different backgrounds here), it is a plus, not just because of the varied cultural options, but also because my parents’ friends and their kids have heard of it for that reason (yeah I know this shouldn’t be an issue, but sometimes it gets annoying having to answer where or what your college is).

Don’t get me wrong, there are things about Amherst that I LOVE and get excited about, such as President Marx’s mission and all the community service stuff (which is another one of the big extracurriculars, and which I am involved with, but not enjoying as much this semester). I love my professors, who are really really well-educated and funny and simply amazing, especially considering the TOTAL focus on undergraduate education. (And I’m more a humanities/social sciences person, so it’s not a question of academics.) It’s really pretty and I like the hills, and I’ve grown to like western Massachusetts quite a bit. I love my friends, and if I did transfer, I would deeply miss them. Also, I can be very shy and anxious with new people, so it would be pretty difficult for me to make friends as a transfer, I think… especially because I feel like there’s a certain stigma to being a transfer, and one that I might internalize if I were to transfer.

This is all, of course, assuming that I could get in. I just started thinking about transferring this week, when transfer apps are already due, so it’s not an option to transfer as a sophomore right now. But also, I had a terrible grade in one class senior year, and I have a crappy 3.0 average from last semester. So I would have to recuperate from that in terms of grades in order to have a chance.

And honestly, I don’t want to transfer. I don’t want to graduate from college thinking, ‘Damn I wish I had gotten into Brown’ or anything like that. I want to have enjoyed college. I’m sorry this is so long, and thank you if you’ve actually read the whole thing. But I guess basically what I’m asking is, any tips for helping my love where I am? And not regretting the past?