Significant Others for the Holidays

sseamom
Thu, 27 Dec 2012 23:06:41 +0000

I know all about being a young woman abused by an SO-I WAS that person when I was in college. But you can’t rewrite history. My family included him in many special occasions, not just Christmas, and whether or not he was in the photos or even THERE at those times didn’t make him any less the person he was, or the person I was, at that time.

Rather than pretend it never happened, I used that experience to train as a hotline volunteer for a domestic violence program. I also wrote stories based on interviews with “recovered” victims and donate regularly to such programs. I use my experience to teach my daughters what to watch out for and what to do if it happens to them. I am who I am in part because of my experiences. I haven’t looked at a photo of the guy in 30 years. Doesn’t matter. He affected everything that happened to me from then on, both good and bad.

Had your D married the SO you talk about, I assume he’d have been allowed at your house for those intimate gatherings restricted to family only-and when your D left him, as I did, he’d have stopped being invited, as my SO was. The only difference is that you preemptively restrict people from attending while my family did not. They were still SOs more involved in our daily lives than our parents were/are.