Son won't do Honors essay!!

mikemac
Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:29:02 +0000

college is a time for transitioning into responsibility for ones own decisions and actions. I understand why a parent would want to look out for their kids best interest, but at some point your son needs to own his own life. There are probably still times when a parent should hound/insist on some course of action, the problem is deciding when. I’d say the guideline should be the importance. If he needs to fill out an essay so that he gets a scholarship so he can pay for college, probably worth it. However in this case the cost he’ll pay for not doing the essay is not getting priority in enrolling for classes. Some day he’ll realize he should have done it, but the cost of not doing so isn’t going to wreck his life.

I say let it go. In fact I kinda wonder if he’s refusing to do it out of principle; even though he knows you’re right, he doesn’t want to be told what to do anymore and he’s willing to refuse to do it just to show his independence. My advice is to transition into more of an advisor than a director; tell him about useful things you find and share your advice based on your accumulated wisdom as an adult, let him decide whether or not he pursues them. When I see you write “I have tried in vain to get my son to complete his essay” I get the sense you’re pushing too hard. You need to let him make decisions, and accept the fact that he’s not always going to make good ones. As the saying goes, “wisdom comes from experience, and experience comes from making mistakes”.